Home alone..
Surely it couldn’t be long before he’d learn..
Watching the Girls Aloud video DVD..
Yes, the one where the camera man focuses on Cheryl’s behind, and she looks over her shoulder..
That look!
« «..
Play that again.
Willy to Brain
-Tell Hand to stop teasing me.
It’ll be all over his pants!
Brain to Willy
-It’s about time he learnt it!
Keep doing that, Hand.
Ignore Willy’s call.
Nature’s call goes first.

And there it happens..
-Oh no! It’s all over now!
All over his pants.. some spilt on his shirt..
His favourite Chelski shirt.
Better take it off quickly!
Oh well, since he’s in the process of undressing, why not have a bath as well!?
But.. What’s that?
O.K. magazine..
Yamm.. Tina O’Brien..
What is that doing in the bathroom?
Number 2’s comes to mind..
Wake up call..
HELLO, YOU’VE JUST LEARNT IT OVER CHERYL!!!!
That penny drops when he’s in the bath, apparently, as he jumps out and goes..
-EUREKA.. EUREKA..!!*
He’s got it alright.
A huge one in fact.
For a teen.
Brain
-Now, go for it!
You’ve learnt it, now perfect it.
Mouth
-Yummm.. oh, Tina.. oh.. oh.. oooohhh!
Not bad, twice in 15 minutes 31.849 secs.
For starters.
And @ 13..
Anyway, it got him hooked started!
He’s never felt more like making home work.
Although next time, he’d keep it as a reward afterwards!
His mom comes in to let him know they’re all back home.
-Ah, you’re doing home work..
Time for a break!?
More a suggestion than a question.

Autsj he thinks, she didn’t knock.
Something that needs to be dealt with!
Surely he can’t wait until he’s home alone EVERY TIME, now he’s learnt that!
Fortunately, he’s got a telly in his room!

He’s already got plans to go over either Sonali or Laura on NewsRound, or Helen on Blue Peter tomorrow!
Brain
-Don’t forget to mention that you’ve outgrown that..
Brain, excited as he is, can’t switch off that night.
..’night, he hears his sister say..
somewhere far away..
zzz zzz

He’s at it again, he thinks, when morning wood presents itself next morning.
Nothing to worry about, he’s had it before.
Never helped it disappear though.
You’ll have to wait until tonite, he tells his new best friend.

All day he’s like he’s born again.
He might be imagining things, but..
He might see girls all different now!
And, as much as he thought he’d keep it his little secret, he finally can’t keep quiet about it!
Not helped by the conversation that goes talking.. BIRDS!

..erm.. what’s her name..
-Cheryl?
-No.. the wankable one.
-Oh, you mean Nicola!
-Yep. That’s the one!
-How about that bird from Breakfast!
-Yeah.. Susannah!
Hmmm, might as well help that morning wood disappear after all!
..and I’m like.. Aarrgh.. All over my Chelski shirt!
He didn’t mention he plans to do it over Helen Skelton tonite.
No need to rub salt in the wounds of those not so lucky to have a telly in their room!
-You’ve washed it out, right..?
-AARRGH!

Great, so now his mom knows..
All he needs now is his sister to walk in during NewsRound.
That won’t happen though, as she came in, without knocking!, just before NewsRound.
When will you girls ever learn, he thinks.
-Why don’t ya watch it down stairs?
-They said I should watch it with you!
Parents!

Or:
All he needs now is his sissie to walk in.
Which she did.
Wanted some toy..
Keeping the best toy for himself though!
What’d she know!
Or.. did she?
-I know why ya don’t wanna watch Blue Peter with me!
-Yeah, I’ve outgrown it.
-eh-eh.. No!
Pointing at his trousers.
Oh no, the top his sock showed from underneath!
He had no reason to feel ashamed about w*nking.
Especially since Helen Skelton came into the equation.
If he hadn’t learned it over Cheryl..

She’d be the one..

*Never understood why Kate Heavenor insisted on wearing these short skirts, until writing this post!

**It’s not clear wether the celebrity’s the teen’s/teens’ dream, or being knocked one out over by the teen/s is the celebrity’s dream.
I feel another poll coming!

My night.
So this morning after breakfast with me girl.. only a cup of tea mind! more Breakfast in bed.
It was a long time since I had it over Susannah, but here it was!
And since I was gonna go zzz..
Would’ve been a w*t dream hadn’t I taken some of the pressure of!
Now, talking of dreams!
When Sonali took the lead on Tuesday, she had on these boots.
Love it.
Fantasy to lick those!
She walked them straight to me..
Steps on me..
Shame they don’t have high heels.
I make a gesture.. no, not that one.
A licking gesture from my tongue, and she brings them towards.. him?
Now, I call my tongue Lewis.
I start licking her boots..

Now I had the thought the other day that Sonali had hand-cuffed me and I had to beggg her..
-Please may I come, Sonali.. Plleeeaasse!??..
She’s teased me, by sitting down in a way in which you couldn’t Miss that peek upskirt..
But that’d not be all!
She had Christine Bleakley paying a visit, Helen Skelton, Gemma Hunt, who did some of them Shaun the Sheep moves with her hips, Anne Foy, Susannah Reid and last be not least, but also in a too short skirt, Mohini Sule.
Haltest du es noch aus?, I couldn’t make out what that was all about.
God I was..
Afterthey all stripped to their underwear, children’s tv remember!, they left.
Sonali took me hand cufs off and told me that she’d do it for me, if she got to give me a good kick in the..
With those boots?
Anytime.
It won’t be forever..
**** (autsj)

*The title to the tune of Sussudio by Phil Collins

How the *eck did I go 4! times over Christine today?
By the way, that’s who Uriah Heep meant when the played with them.. when they played that song Lady in Black.
Now, was it that, or was I just loaded?
Randy..
No, when I’m just plain Randy I don’t manage 4.
No, it must have been.. her!
Christine.
Something in her appearance.
And she was very relaxed.
Like in:
-Oh well, I’ve got nothing to lose now that Sonali’s gone past me.
She’s on three votes in the poll about being wankable at 50!
She is!
She might be wankable at 6070 80 at this rate!
Need to fit Holly Valance in there somehow.
Hello! I think.
Now on VH1 anyway.

So.. finally, me girlfriend’s given birth.
They’re both fine.
Oh and, So is their mum.
Twins?
Not exactly as ordered.
We agreed to have two children at most, BUT NOT IN ONE GO!!

Worse part is..
She might wanna have sex again soon.
I just got used to wanking.
Missing out on a top wank over Sonali again.(like yesterday)
I suggested the names Sonali & Jake.
Jake?
She just smiled.
On mentioning Sonali she went..
Mmm..
She must find Sonali a tasty lass as well then, I guess.
I bet she would be calling one of ‘em Lewis!
In which case I would suggest Sally Anne to go with it.
She suggested Louise however.
Lewis & Louise?
Fine with me.
She names him after her (fave) tickle fantasy, Lewis Hamilton, I can live Louise.
Lear, Nurding Redknapp, Minchin, Posh’s sister..

She *@°^¤\:°¤*€€€ß didn’t get the final!
sexists! p*ssed onoff!
I take it you’re not happy with it..
So I was just thinking that I might have gone twice over Yammmanda Hamburg.. Hamilton, or over Louise Minchin.
Save it for Helen on BP, a ‘voice’ told me, when surfing through the channels I came across CBeebies.
I neeeed to see that, I thought.
With me girlfriend preggers, do some parental guidence.
CBeebies and the CBBC Channel don’t need parental guidance, Randy.
If you got a 13 year old son it does.
Rani Price, Sonali Gudka, Helen Skelton..
Why WOULD you wanna join a gang!?
Okay, group wanking.
But apart from that..

What a sign girl!
No wonder they’ve all gone deaf!*
I wasn’t even planning to knock one out, but some parts of me just begged me.
She was signing on Mister Maker.
The programme after was Come Outside, or in their case Go Outside.
Must have been a sign:

don’t go there—->

you’ll end up in a sock

Either that or I w*nked meself dry.
Which apparently CAN happen.
Jerry.. Some German researchers apparently wondered and did it every 8 hours for like 3 weeks.
They might have done it over Mohini Sule, who knows a little bißchen Deutsch.
Mohini, ich finde dich gaaanzz toll zum onanieren

!

That’ll be the sign.
Mmm.. nothing.
Must have w*nked toooo much.
Another sign of her wankability was that it came up just looking at checking her out.
Only one problem, as you’d find out on the wank rank
Sign Girl 1.

(I)’d love to see her make a w*nking gesture.
Like Mr O. Sullivan once.
Yeah, I know, but that’d be to obvious.

Children in Need?
I’m in Need of a …. over Fearne.
I’d like the sign girl to have a go at it.
It starts with a double u..

Do that again:
-Hello, Children in Need?
–Yes, how can I help you?
-.. (Help me?)
–Hello..?
-Yes, hello.. I’d donate £*,***.** if that nice sign girl makes a w*nking gesture.
–W*nking gesture?
-Erm, it’s an a..
–Ah, I see. A wanking gesture!
Consider it done!

* Please take that as either a joke or rather a compliment.
Apologies to anyone offended.

**Who told us it’ll make you go deaf in the first place!?

***Any one from Myth Busters visiting this blog?

Especially Kari Byron:
Do girls wipe after they’ve peed?
(Hope that myth to be CONFIRMED)

The difference between Lewis & Amanda?
Amanda might not win the championship.
Not her fault, she’s only on the telly on Sundays.
She’s so much more wankable than Lewis though!

She’s back after 2 weeks or so, getting her 21, I think, on the wank rank.
Triple 7 = 21, my total number of ej.. wanks now also ending in triple 7.
2,777.
Could should have been a lot more.
Sigh.. you like that, don’t ya Randy Boy, that strike element!?
Which reminds me..
Michaela played around with the that pink for a some time, didn’t she!?
Striked the the, or you might suggest that’s some innuendo!
Plenty of time to.. well, time it.
I WOULD find them a bunch of sexists be surprised p*ssed - if she wouldn’t get to the final.

Some girls, I guess they are girls, use the search - wank over me - to find my blog.
Firstly, they can ask me personally, and secondly they never leave a picture!

Someone recently found my blog with - knocking one out over Hazel Irvine -
Just ONE?
I knocked out three over her on.. was it Sunday?
She’s hot!

Finally to some one, or indeed some of you, finding my blog with searches like - Helen Skelton new Blue Peter presenter -
she will be, when Blue Peter returns in September.
That’s just one more weekend.

Occasionally they show Christine’s b*tt, b*t..
but never her b*tterfly.
That would be too much for that..Lillian? Whatever her name was.
Not particularly wankable, she looked a-maze-ing.
So Miss Future-Champion? now only ONE behind.

From 2 behind 2 1 behind, 2 2 behind again.
Hands.. hence the title.
Sonali.. ?
GORGEOUS!
How I only had 1 over her..
Maybe the shock of her being on, when you expected Adam, Rands
I was admiring her for a couple moments be4 lust kicked in.

Christine also got the better of me, So remains 2 ahead of Sonali.
They might become good m8s, or should that be m888?,
and if Sonali is 1 adrift she gets to do the 1 show!

Yes!
I mean yesterday, Michaela Tabb not on, I had it over this Gabriela Sabatini.
Ace!

Thanks, for that, Gabriela.
And Sonali?
You were Soooooo gorgeous t’day.

1 final word about Sonali.
Jake and Sonali were a great team during the Olympics.
And I particularly noted that when Sonali hadn’t finished talking, he kindly/professionally returned the microphone.
A real gent.
I certainly couldn’t keep a gent.
Not with Sonali near me!

Christine has pulled away just a tiny bit, when I was keeping -it- @ the ready.
She got me there, when she lifted her leg and..
Was she aware that she was on that camera?
Did she gave a peek upskirt?
Did they match?
If they did I’m certain those were her pants!
Didn’t matter anyway, as I just went.
2 minutes later and me girlfriend pops in.
I quipped
-Haven’t ya learned to knock!?
I’ll leave you to it, she smiled.
Christine IS rather hot today.
Christine’s ALWAYS hot.
If it was only her amazingly wankable back side.
So I joined my girlfriend.