Home alone..
Surely it couldn’t be long before he’d learn..
Watching the Girls Aloud video DVD..
Yes, the one where the camera man focuses on Cheryl’s behind, and she looks over her shoulder..
That look!
« «..
|Play > that again.
Willy to Brain
-Tell Hand to stop teasing me.
It’ll be all over his pants!
Brain to Willy
-It’s about time he learnt it!
Keep doing that, Hand.
Ignore Willy’s call.
Nature’s call goes first.

And there it happens..
-Oh no! It’s all over now!
All over his pants.. some spilt on his shirt..
His favourite Chelski shirt.
Better take it off quickly!
Oh well, since he’s in the process of undressing, why not have a bath as well!?
But.. What’s that?
O.K. magazine..
Yamm.. Tina O’Brien..
What is that doing in the bathroom?
Number 2’s comes to mind..
Wake up call..
HELLO, YOU’VE JUST LEARNT IT OVER CHERYL!!!!
That penny drops when he’s in the bath, apparently, as he jumps out and goes..
-EUREKA.. EUREKA..!!*
He’s got it alright.
A huge one in fact.
For a teen.
Brain
-Now, go for it!
You’ve learnt it, now perfect it.
Mouth
-Yummm.. oh, Tina.. oh.. oh.. oooohhh!
Not bad, twice in 15 minutes 31.849 secs.
For starters.
And @ 13..
Anyway, it got him hooked started!
He’s never felt more like making home work.
Although next time, he’d keep it as a reward afterwards!
His mom comes in to let him know they’re all back home.
-Ah, you’re doing home work..
Time for a break!?
More a suggestion than a question.

Autsj he thinks, she didn’t knock.
Something that needs to be dealt with!
Surely he can’t wait until he’s home alone EVERY TIME, now he’s learnt that!
Fortunately, he’s got a telly in his room!

He’s already got plans to go over either Sonali or Laura on NewsRound, or Helen on Blue Peter tomorrow!
Brain
-Don’t forget to mention that you’ve outgrown that..
Brain, excited as he is, can’t switch off that night.
..’night, he hears his sister say..
somewhere far away..
zzz zzz

He’s at it again, he thinks, when morning wood presents itself next morning.
Nothing to worry about, he’s had it before.
Never helped it disappear though.
You’ll have to wait until tonite, he tells his new best friend.

All day he’s like he’s born again.
He might be imagining things, but..
He might see girls all different now!
And, as much as he thought he’d keep it his little secret, he finally can’t keep quiet about it!
Not helped by the conversation that goes talking.. BIRDS!

..erm.. what’s her name..
-Cheryl?
-No.. the wankable one.
-Oh, you mean Nicola!
-Yep. That’s the one!
-How about that bird from Breakfast!
-Yeah.. Susannah!
Hmmm, might as well help that morning wood disappear after all!
..and I’m like.. Aarrgh.. All over my Chelski shirt!
He didn’t mention he plans to do it over Helen Skelton tonite.
No need to rub salt in the wounds of those not so lucky to have a telly in their room!
-You’ve washed it out, right..?
-AARRGH!

Great, so now his mom knows..
All he needs now is his sister to walk in during NewsRound.
That won’t happen though, as she came in, without knocking!, just before NewsRound.
When will you girls ever learn, he thinks.
-Why don’t ya watch it down stairs?
-They said I should watch it with you!
Parents!

Or:
All he needs now is his sissie to walk in.
Which she did.
Wanted some toy..
Keeping the best toy for himself though!
What’d she know!
Or.. did she?
-I know why ya don’t wanna watch Blue Peter with me!
-Yeah, I’ve outgrown it.
-eh-eh.. No!
Pointing at his trousers.
Oh no, the top his sock showed from underneath!
He had no reason to feel ashamed about w*nking.
Especially since Helen Skelton came into the equation.
If he hadn’t learned it over Cheryl..

She’d be the one..

*Never understood why Kate Heavenor insisted on wearing these short skirts, until writing this post!

**It’s not clear wether the celebrity’s the teen’s/teens’ dream, or being knocked one out over by the teen/s is the celebrity’s dream.
I feel another poll coming!

Part II