I don’t think I’ve mentioned
but..
This blog got nearly 100,000
views last year.
Just 366 short of it.
Sonali is nothing short of being
a TWB.
Well, ONE more and she’d not be
sharing it with Ellie Crisell.
Nothing to be ashamed of, sharing
it with Ellie Crisell.

Maddy got a brace yesterday.
She got 10 last year, I think, now
already on 7.
She looks really confident.
I first got suspicious of that, but
she’s been confident longer now..
Don’t do a Mischa Barton..
Although in Sonali’s case, she’d
be that TWB @ once!
Girls don’t have it easy.

Really surprised it’s Riz Lateef’s
first.
Just the other day I thought
-why today Riz..
when she was sooo hot.
Her backside on a par with
Christine Bleakley’s.

Dear Helen Skelton,

I, obviously, don’t know what
you’d be doing tomorrow morning
during the repeat of Blue Peter,
but I know what I! will be
doing!!!!

Stained bedsheets was she hot!
No, don’t change ‘em just yet.

Now.. before I heape all praise
on her.
Slowly does it.
No, not easy.
Slowly.
So as to not sling-shot ‘em out.
Although that might result in
‘em ending at the top end of the
sock..
So they can work their way down, girls…
..and hence the sock lasts longer.
For its not intended purpose…

This morning I had the chance to catch
enough of Breakfast to go twice over Carol
Kirkwood.
Red Hot!
That did it, I’m sure.
Some chick on Channel 4 though, with her
hand between her legs.
What not to wear <added>if you prevent
people from getting a peek upskirt anyway</added>.
You weren’t even ON that camera, young Lady!
If it was for other reasons you held your hand there,
maybe you should consider tampons?

Yesterday I tried to generate a draw for
a cup competition.
Maybe I should use some pulling sys..
Yes, mini… Randy
Yes, it was mini afterwards, BUT PURELY OUT OF
FRUSTATION!
I meant of course pooling!
Or a group stage.
For those of you fancying
a group-w*nk, you’ll just watch the repeat of BP
To make it easy for myself I already added
the point to her total.
Her sexy dance-moves..
O yes.. she used to be a teen dancing-
teacher.
They might have learned a bit more from Helen..
Over (Helen)…?

So long since I last w
rote a post, I think, it
goes all the way back to
when Helen Skilful..
Skelton was on a sleigh.. ?
With the girl dog pulling it.
Catherine Flack on Something 4
the weekend, and what an end
it was!
Thanks!
Erm, make that twice Miss Flack.
Amanda got in there too, but..

I’m surprised at the number of views
the blog gets, especially since
it has been a while since I wrote
a post.

There’s now the top wanking birds
top 1,000 on this site.
I wanted to make a colour scheme, but could’nt
decide on the colours.
There’s also the wankable celebrities formbook.
How about monthly winners?
Maybe..
Although it might not be so popular.
Why’s that?
Well, they might think,
well if that is first prize…

Just made it in time for NewsRound, only
to find out Sonali wasn’t on.
Neither was Maddy.
I then paid a visit to my pal’s house.
Just his house mind.
He’s on holiday for a week.
It’s great watching the ONE show at someone else’s
place!
I was hesitating but Anthea did it.
Now.. use one of my own socks or..
My timing wasn’t perfect but..
Christine and Anthea might have got
a unique double.
The double, in someone else’s house!

Then, back home again, found this magazine,
OK?, with Holly Willoughby.
Now.. She is the most gorgeous lass ever!

On the ‘main’ NewsRound I hesitated
for a mo.
Then I decided to go over Maddy, with
her legs up like that, and in the process
going over Sonali as well.
Then, in the 6.30 edition I went over both
again, near the end of the report.
A unique double-double.. ?
Talking of which,
Talking of which..
Yesterday Sonali could’ve done a unique
double, a BP-NR double!
Instead in was a Helen – Sonali double.

Helen doing some magic tricks on BP, recently.
Am I the first person to admit it worked?
It went u^p.
Now, sshhh..
Lemme tell ya how it works..
First you need some eye-candy
s*xy girl.
Someone like a magician’s assistent.
Then you try to get the attention
of the audience.
Then it goes u^p.
Now..
When you look at this ‘magician’s assistant’
s*xy girl, it goes through your eyes,
up to your brain.
But because she looks so hot, the brain
sends a signal down to.. that other part,
which then goes up.
If you want this trick not to be played on you,
look the other way!
(Although it has been reported that thinking of
a particular girl might cause the same reaction)

Girls to have done the same trick include Sonali Gudka,
Christine Bleakley, Nicola Bleakley, Susannah Reid..
Amongst others.

I’m forgetting something..
Ah.. yes, that, I thought,
when Helen stroked the dog.
All that water..
Helen had to pee real bad.
They thought it’d go unnoticed but
it should in the dog’s drinking “beaker”.

Sonali got a po1nt today, 89 now,
coming ever closer..
To the visitors that found this blog
by searching
‘what celebrities do you wank over’
I would suggest checking the wank-rank

This morning me girlf made me
breakfast in bed.
I’ll return the favour.
But NOT on a Sunday!
Maybe this saturday..?

I asked her if she’d make it an
early night when Lilly Allen came on.
What a gorgeous lass.
I thought at first it was Claudia Winkelmann.
Then I thought of Anne Foy, by which time
it was pretty appetized/teased.
Then I thought I’d best describe Lilly Allen
as a mix between..
Claudia Winkelmann + Anne Foy + Sarah
Cawood = Lilly Allen

Yesterday I saw another great lass in something
with Michael J Fox.
Doc Hollywood I think.
She was marking her territory and
having a pee here.. there..

You get 2 ask Lilly Allen a question and I
thought..
Lilly, you prefer pads or..
Seriously, with that scene in Johnny
English, who’d be on the bog..
Natalie Imbruglia obviously.
Fearne Cotton?
Edele Lynch.
Laura Tobin?
RIZ LATEEF!!
Lisa Gallagher..
Naomi Wilkinson..
How many loos were there anyway?

Add Lilly Allen obviously.
Lilly:
1) Pads or tampons?
2) Do you wipe after peeing?
(I bet!)
3) Do you believe in wanking on a first date?

Oh and.. how many points’d ya like?

Dear Lord,
Today I thank you for this top wanking bird
crossing my path.
Lilly,

amen.

Johnnie English was on
ITV 2+1.
Or in Natalie Imbruglia’s case
1+2.
Adding 2 this weekend to the 1 she
had earlier.
As you might wonder why they
nicknamed her Natalie Umbrella-stand..
Didn’t stand long though.
Seema Parmar got one more point today.
I think she’s on 8, in total.

Hang on.. for some spontaneous inspiration:
Come out you twin,
Come out, herein*,
I’ve just seen a very wanky Sinead Quinn

Something about mighty quinn, that song.
* Sock

I’m thinking about a double-act-rank
Like today’s double
Seema Parmar-Natalie Imbruglia.
Sonali Gudka-Maddy Savage.
Donna Lewis-Aman..

Today I did a NR double.
Sonali and Maddy on guitar.
They might have joined forces,
and tried to tease me into a bang.
It worked.
They might as well call it guy-tar.
And I didn’t have to choose!!
Yesterday with Sonali @ the railway
crossing..
You know what they say:
Please wait.. There might be another
wankable girl..
Maddy looked absolutely great.

Sorry, but the Blue Peter repeat was
on the CBBC Channel.

Caught the last ten minutes of Blue Peter.
Helen S in her jeans, very wanky.
Then a nose-bleed?
I first thought it was real, but it
might have been a &#nbsp;&#nbsp; hidden
message.
Like in nose-bleed d.u. ..
Which would refer to Helen.
I thought this far fetched until at the end
of the programme they showed Helen upskirt!
Just to make certain that it wouldn’t be
misinterpreted.
Anyways.. no pad to be seen.
I think.
For anyone that missed it, or wants to see it
again*, it’s repeated tomorrow, 9.30!
(Late for work, blame it on the snow)
That peak upskirt might have been on purpose.
Helen getting the team a treat.
Cream-pie.
(An edible one)

She got it, Helen.
#3,000.
Wank #3,000…!
Then I caught Fearne Cotton on Family Fortunes.
She got #3,001.
(Pleasant surprise)

*For better timing purposes or otherwise..