Just thought I’d go over Michaela
as I wasn’t sure she’d ref a semi.
Any dilemma I had has gone, as I
didn’t go over Christine but should
have.
You might not find this a problem at
all, but I want the Century Milestone
to be reached as natural as possible.

Nearly a 1,000 visitors, while on the subject
of numbers.
2 May the ONE year anniversary
of the record day, in view of.. views.
624.
The last time under 200 was on April
11 (157), and over 300 from april 13.
Nearly 11,000 views this months.
I might even get 100,000 this year.

Michaela set a new record probably, with
13 points for April.
Monthly Winners added in the home-menu.

• March 2009 Anita Rani (7)
• April 2009 Michaela Tabb (13)
• May 2009 Sonali Gudka (7)
• June 2009 R Riley/S Dent/S Reid (5)
• July 2009 Sonali Gudka (9)
• August 2009 Susannah Reid (5)
• September 2009 Susannah Reid (7)
• October 2009 Michaela Tabb (13)

Michaela Tabb 13
Christine Bleakley 5
Sign Girl 5
Sonali Gudka 4
Kari Byron 4
Carry Grant 3
Anita Rani 3
Seema Parmar 2
“Helen Skelton” 2
Amanda Hamilton 2
Susannah Reid 2
Laura Tobin 2
Victoria Hollins 1
Hannah Spearritt 1
Fiona Bruce 1
Riz Lateef 1
Sonia Deol 1
Michaela Strachan 1
Lily Allen 1
Alice Bhandhukvari 1
Karen Coulthard 1
Ellie Crisell 1
Newsreader 1
Lizzie Greenwood-Hughes 1
Anthea Turner 1
Kate Silverton 1
Michelle Bux 1

Now that the semi final line ups are
known, it’s that time again
<added>, the 1 table
stage.</added>
Michaela added a point to her
total today, as did Laura Tobin
and Michelle Bux, who is married to
Gary Lineker.

Michaela got a bit of help to prolonge the
match by a bit, to no avail.
Just the ONE point, by my determined
efforts to add Michelle to my wank-rank.
She scored!

I’m thinking about leaving all links intact on
the wank-rank and using a colour or so
mething else to
indicate who got the latest point.
As I put it in the home menu as well, that
just might be it.
So if you’ll excuse me.

April now is the best month since the start
of this blog.
Over 10,000 and a day to go!

Something very naughty I thought of.
Under the red button it’d say ‘this stream
has now finished, and I thought
-yes, I know that Michaela.
I was in fact expecting you to clean the pink..
Innuendo.

Talking of which.. English M*FFin bread..
I mentioned it to my fiancée (finally I found that’s
2 e’s).
Innuendo-ing the m*ff part, and how I’d like a
slice.
She asked what I wanted on it and I replied
-the pink.. ?
Which she did!!*
It’s called girlfriend toast.

*Make certain you don’t order it on some days.

With another session of snooker
with Michaela coming up, I was all
ready.
All pumped up so to speak.
Caught a glimpse of me fave sign
girl, YES, YOU!!, and thought of
going over her, as the snooker is on
for a while.
Programme over.
So I thought to just switch to the news,
just as Laura Tobin was doing her forecast.
She looked amazing, and when she turned
I honestly thought she was wearing trousers.
If Michaela does not get a point later, she can
be very proud of that, because she took it of
Michaela directly.

Michaela Tabb getting yet another
point.
Leading the 2009 rank by 3 points,
April rank on 11.
Won lass week’s rank, sharing this
week’s rank with Kate Silverton and
Anthea Turner, who shared that knock
out between them.
She’s quiet successfull, a hot hit, but
in snooker terms she’s a slow scorer.
17 points this year so far, and we find
ourselves in April!
Unlike Fauntleroy.

He finds himself in the Crucible.
Congratulations on keeping the snooker
there until 2014.
Am I making Fauntleroy suffer?
No, no dehydration.
No coughing.
Not his mobile going off.
Well, not his mobile..
He thinks of that saying to see the back of you..
He couldn’t wait to see the back of her!
And another ball in a pocket…
Michaela: seventeen.
eightteen…
Surely you are older than that, he thought.
35?
Okay, 36.
37?
M: twenty-one…
Anotha… hang on…
Was that a hand in his pocket?
And, more importantly, was it HIS hand?
Yep, it WAS!
A tip, top.. whatever it was, found itself
‘in hand’.
Well, fingered more like.
Or more like snookered between a couple fingers,
and there’s only one way out of it.
So he started a mini session, trying to be
as quiet as possible.
The huffing/puffing could be down to
the excitement, right?!
The calling/whispering of her name must have
given it away…

Now, play had stopped for a bit..
The play on the table, mind, and he’s
had a warning, but he couldn’t help but
being at it again a couple minutes later.

Quietly as you can please…!
Thank you!
No, thank YOU! he was about to say,
but he had nothing to thank her for YET!

A quick look at the crowd and Michaela spots
Fauntleroy.
Please wait until after the match…
The players need to concentrate!
How CAN they, Fauntleroy couldn’t help wondering.

After the match finishes…
M: You can see me in the referee’s room…
Shortly after, Fauntleroy finds himself in the
referee’s room.
Back?
Erm… he’s seen enough of that during the match!
No… He couldn’t wait to see the front of her…

Knock knock..
Who’s there?
Christine Bleakley!
Then why did you knock?
Well, erm… I thought that polite.
You never know, you might be
knocking <sigh>ONE</sigh> out…
So why knock?
Please come and.. POSE..?

TBH Christine, I was just starting
the aptly titled MASTURdeBATE.

Any.. erm.. ONE?

Do you know that saying..
A w*nk a day
keeps the doctor away
?
Well, with no knockings out so
far today.. they must have known
at the Beeb, having Rosemary Leonard
on Breakfast.

Now that you’ve been introduced to
Fauntleroy..
He finds himself in Rosemary’s practice.
He tells her his underwear is all blue.
It wasn’t when he put it on lass week!
There, just the Word Lass erouses him!
Which points exactly at the problem!
Rosemary tells him to get.. lost?!

Fortunately, there’s looaaadds wankable
stuff around for Fauntleroy, isn’t there?
Like what? he’s wondering, while watching
Video-Hits 1.
Men at Work’s Down Under..
He NEEDS The Works!!
Midnight Oil, Bed’s are Burning..
How can we sleep while our beds are
burning..
How can he sleep when.. well, hot like fire
anyways..
Rod Stewart, Do ya think I’m Sexy..
No!
But Ellie Crisell is!! he thinks.
(AND HE’S sooooo RIGHT)
But he needs something to look at!
Tina Turner, We don’t need another hero..
We need something wankable, he’s becoming
more and more desperate..
I want to get off… he sings to that Queen Classic..
Hang on! Classic?
He needs the other channel!

And yes, the other VH1 doesn’t disappoint..
Top Wanking Bird he’s wrongly singing along to
that gal’s song..
Oh… ooohh… erm… whoever you are… oohhh…
Ah, you’re Nelly Furtado are ya…
Well, thanks!

Soo much better!

Now, you were introduced to
Fauntleroy yesterday.
If you think of Donald Duck, yes,
that’s where it comes from;
Donald F. Duck.
Our friend.. or, my fantasy! finds
himself sitting in front of his telly.
No, it not going break.
But Fauntleroy finds himself dilemmaed.
The sn (o o) ker or.. Christine?
Is Anita Rani still on WatchDog?
He’d fancy knocking it out over Christine!
If she’d only show her behind..
Now, not for ONE second am I under the
illusion I can make Christine do that..
Oh yes, Christine… Thanks!
Erm.. did I miss something?
Oh.. Apparently Christine just showed off
her behind when she..
Posed for Fauntleroy?!
What’s more, she turned a bit sideways,
so/and he could see her backside (as well)
in the mirror.
Now, that was ONE heck of a..

Puff-ect.

Meet Fauntleroy.
He’s my creation as author.
He’s got his own place.
Bathroom with toilet & bath.
He wasn’t there though.
He was running in the London Marathon.
For a good cause mind.
His health.
Gone are the days when he lit up a
fag every time Natasha Kaplinski came on..
Hang on.. !
Now, Fauntleroy found himself huffing and
puffing today like when Isobel Lang was
doing a forecast.
And the best part: He met Lizzie Greenwood-Hughes
IN PERSON!!
As an aside: I rather watch her on the telly.
Now, HE thought he was exhausted after 26 miles,
but his body apparently thought differently.
Oh well, he thought, as a reward for finishing the
marathon, why not? and started admiring
Lizzie GreenWOOD-Hughes.
Ah.. erm.. You did well to finish the marathon but
can you wait with finishing yourself off.. ?
Now, I have no control over Lizzie, otherwise I’d have
her offering to pose.
I will!
?
Now, that will make Fauntleroy’s day.

Lizzie Greenwood-Hughes.
Just her name!
Add to that her lovely voice.
Easy does it, Fauntleroy.
Call me Faunty..
Oh Lizzie.. Liizziiee.. ooh..
There!
Thank you, Lizzie!
My pleasure.
Well home..
Samewise..

Wow.
What a day!

Seriously, Lizzie Greenwood-Hughes.
YAMMM