September 2009
Susannah Reid 7
Leah Gooding 5
Rachel Riley 4
Susie Dent 4
Kari Byron 3
Lizzie Greenwood-Hughes 3
Kirsten O’Brien 3
Naga Munchetti 2
Sian Williams 2
Christine Bleakley 2
Helen Skelton 2
Sonali Gudka 2
Hi 5 Girls 2
Carol Kirkwood 2
Cat Deeley 1
Angellica Bell 1
Cerrie Burnell 1
Fave Sign Int 1
Gabby Logan 1
Julia Bradbury 1
Riz Lateef 1
Ellie Crisell 1
Emma Crosby 1
Hayley NR 1
Countdown Contestant Varney 1
Amanda Hamilton 1
Shilpa Shetty 1
Martina Hingis 1
Alesha Dixon 1
Lene Ångstrøm 1
Lisa Gallagher 1
Cops – ONE Show 1
Naomi Wilkinson 1
Jaqui Oatley 1
Seema Parmar 1

Leah drew with Susannah today,
with Carol Kirkwood getting
another point.
I had planned to go for a
hattrick but I don’t think she
was on the 6 thirty edition.
Shame, cause she looked really
amazing/gorgeous in that.
But Ore? already mentioned that.
She could have outscored Susannah.
Brace??
I’ll get a hatrick!!!
In fact, if Susannah hadn’t been on it
Hayley might have got it, with a
brace for Leah and Ellie Crisell
would have made it NewsRound-ish.
Talking of newsround: Hyde United have
won their appeal.
I think this means also that Susannah
has won the mini championship of
September.
After seeing Leah I thought to ‘keep it
ready’ for her in the five pee em edition.
So, hard as it was, I didn’t go over
Rachel or Helen Skil-tonne.
I stayed with the plan to go over Leah.
She was worth it.
rsyor Rachel, Helen..
Yesterday must have been my first wank
over a Blue Pants.. presenter that had just
came first in the race to Asia.
Çekesi Atlet!
Oh and, ¥ÃMMM! is the same in every language.
In that post about Formula Wan-k I think
the speed comparison also goes for the chance that
celebs are fighting for, when one’d be
reeeeaaaaaaalllllly desperate, and the choice is
even more difficult.

<rant>Why do they have to
race @ night!!?
Why not race with daylight?!
You and me are made to feel like
a criminal when we switch on the
light for a mo.
That’s a lot of light there in Singa-
poor, which needs a lot of electricity!
Where are the green & environment
parties now!?
I haven’t heard any protest, or about
any action, at which they normally R so
good.
</rant>

The wanking championship is..
a championship as Formula 1 for example.
But, the similarities don’t end
there.
There’s makes, teams, tactics..
Jaqui Oatley standing in? formula
Lizzie G-Hughes.
She got a point as well.
There’s pitt-stops, to go for sli..
socks.
Occasionally the celebs’d be asked to
check on the sock, as in – is it still in
place?.
Otherwise there might be accidents like
Laura Jones.
I just missed out, when she was in a report,
but to my delight she was sitting next
to Ellie Crisell and.. She was wearing a
skirt, and it was clearly visible where her
legs end(ed)!
Needles to say that I just went for it, as I
really wanted to go over Laura just before that
in the report.
In this case it wasn’t a bad accident.
More like, she won.
She kinda teased me into that accident by
sitting there with that skirt.
She’s got talent, wank might say.

As I wrote about in another post, celebs/other lasses
have a sort of starting wankability.
That might be either the make, or natural talent.
You might say that there’s no speed in it, but
that would compare to the desperation one
would be in, and well..
Don’t guys always fancy a wank?!
Leah overtaking Sonali, while she’s in the
report, trying to get that point.
If not, Sonali gets back to front.

Caught Finger Tips today.
Rolling what would become
an edible finger, I thought
it to be a bit suggestive.
That might just have been my
interpretation.
But then they used socks.
Naomi suggesting that ‘next
time you would want to throw
that old sock in the bin, you’d
give it a wash and use it for’
whatever they made of it.
A pencil holder I think.
Now.. By the time I throw my
old socks in the bin, washing
them wouldn’t get them clean, Naomi.
They’d be too hard anyway, something
that you contributed to, today.
It earned you a point.
Usually they last about 50 points.
In fact I might start the other wank
of this pair, kicking off with
Lizzie GreenWOOD-Hughes tonight.

Yesterday there were two female cops
on that show with Christine Bleakley.
I went over the one next to Anita,
but they stayed with her.
They couldn’t arrest and handcuff you, cause that
would mean they’d have to stop ya!
And why would they stop someone from
complimenting them?

The girl that was singing @ HT
during Ipswich v Newcastle deserves
more than a mention, but they
changed focus and ended my dilemma.

But for the Cops Christine would have
had at least 2.
ONE hour, good idea.
I had 2 already yesterday morning
of course, otherwise she’d have had
it perhaps.
Lizzie has some competition now
from Naomi Wilkinson!
God (no offence) were you due..
I ♥ TV

But ♥ ITV even more!

I was busi, hence not updating
the wank-rank.
Busi, as you know, from that
quiz question yesterday.
mistertease.wordpress.com
Does it annoy you as much as it
does me when people at these
quizes go like..
(q: What would ya associate with Microsoft?)
Well.. Ha-ha.. Curtains..
My wish!
Blinds.. that what I need to
close when I use my Windows driven
PC.
So yeah.. Windows.
(So, you’re def. going for Windows
..?)
I’d go for Kari.
I know.. guess there’s a word
for that, swapping the first letters
of two words, like in Punny Fart(h?)
or Bari Kyron.
You know, the Italian footie club.
Susie Dent, the word-edge (like in knowl-edge)
will know the word for it.
Anyway, if you’d wear a T-shirt
with the text
- Here comes the Punny Fart(h) -
on it and you would.. fart, would that
be punny?
It certainly wouldn’t be funny.
You could have it to say Funny Part
and.. Part, which wouldn’t be funny
either.
What about Waking Brind…?

Today a fantastic double brace by
double act Helen Skil-tonnes and Kirsten
O’Brien.
2 each.
Which.. as I’m blogging/typing/writing this
makes me think..
I had this idea..
Going for a hattrick in as quick
a time as possible, preferably
timed by the celebrity in person.
And I though of this rank/list they
have/keep on Top Gear.
Now, you must wear Top Gear to achieve
it three times, let alone to achieve
a respectable time, let even further
alone to achieve a Top position!
Now.. I’m hesitating wether to go for
hattricks or braces..
The videprinter/vidiprinter prints
hatricks already, so I might..
But seriously, braces would be
achievable for more celebrities.
But hattricks would make for more
exclusive-ness.
I’ve got 13.
Exclusiveness.
Or indeed, if it’d go wrong, e.g. not
using a sock, it’d be more like exclusive-mess!

Talking He.. socks.
This morning, as it has nothing to do
with a remark of Kirsten*, there was
Emma, Cat or Jenny doing something to
a pair of socks as only mums can do that.
As if it were a hint.
You might as well put one inside the
other, or indeed fold it double, or it
might get moist/damp really soon.

I had gone over Lisa Weather-Gall-agher
already.
She deserves more.
Sorry for the insult/not doing your
wankability justice.

On the subject of aces..
That’s 2 (sincere) apologies already
in this post, although Sophie Aldred
apparantly has said/was wrongly quoted
as to never apologise about anything.
Now.. Miss/Mrs Aldred/Henderson/Aldred-Henderson..
You might find you’re not on the rank.
Injustice or nought, I’m not going to..
I might have a Word with you about something
to do with a Picture.

Anyway, I haven’t decided against the
hattrick, but I haven’t voted in favour
of the brace either, just yet.
And, to be honest, the quickest was
10 mins 41 secs**.
**No, that was deliberately written like that.

*/* = delete as aproppiate

* Something about ‘you never know when
they might come in handy.
Or indeed, when they’re handy to come in..

This morning caught Lene
Ångstrøm from Aqua.
That’ll be her first?
I didn’t realize that
Blue Pant.. Blue Peter
was back.
I thought it’d be repeated
this morning but apparently
not.
The second point of the day however
went to Christine.
Regular visitors to this blog
would know this to be..
(not giving it away, are we!?)
a) Brinkley
b) Bleakley
c) Blissley

ONE point for me* for
answering this question
correctl y.
Although I might go for Kari
depending on the purpose.
If I want a Myth Busted, or
a Busty Myth..
*Kari gets a lot more points, though!
There’s also a question (?) on
that site which asks -
<quote>What would you
associate with Microsoft</quote>.
I could help you by suggesting
it’s not Blinds, but that would
b) really easy for you, if I added
that Curtains wasn’t the right
answer either!

One thing that IS a myth, I think
is safe to say, is that tongue-breakers
don’t really break your tongue!
Mohini from CBBC wouldn’t know,
she was very good at those.
Talking of breaking..
Marvin Gaye’s sexual healing:
Is sex really capable of healing?
And no, I don’t mean relationships.
Kari.. you wouldn’t.. ??
I’d try it myself but w*nking
doesn’t really qualify as sex,
does it?

Now, I don’t know if Leah was
Blue for Me..
Maybe she put her bathing gear
on for me.

No, not the footballer!
But I thought of this
title as Luke was sitting
next to Susie Dent, and
the contestant on Countdown.
Add up the 2 pts she got on
my rank and she’d have won!

Rachel’s dress tight as yesterday.
Red on top of that.
Too hard too resist.
And so I didn’t.
She managed 2 even, and that
lovely.. sorry, v tasty
conso.. contestant got on
the rank too!
Unlucky, losing out by 1 point!
Conondrum!
That’s not swearing, is it?
This morning might have helped,
as I just haaad to go over Sian
Willy-yamms, but Keeley Donovan
and Siobhan Robbins missing out.
Also those tasty girls from Hi-5
missed out, as I missed out on
catching who’s who.

A bit suggestive that, on the
CBBC Channel.
Emphasized by the noises!
People will complain about that!
They complained about Alesha.
Whose name was suggested in
Countdown today.
Rachel Riley’s dress very tight,
emph.. accentuating her frame.
Alesha was in a Sunday newspaper,
and as it was really tough today
to choose between all them celebrity
treats, I thought I might go over
Aleesh.
On second thoughts, I could go over
the pics from Saturday’s newspaper.
Keeps those from Sunday clean.
Those were a lot better use, Sunday’s.
So much so, I bought the newspaper.
They might get suspicious, me starting
drooling over those pictures.

As today is the second anniversary of
the blog, I might treat myself and look
for something (of) Kari Byron.
Busting the myth that it is wank-fest.
It’s a feast!
Although the feast might include a fest.
I’ve always prouded myself with the
faithful thing, although knocking it out
ocassionally makes it easy.
Except today, all them celebrities made it
so darn hard.
They.. they knew about this milestone?

What’s the difference between wankers
and renault?
Wankers don’t cheat.
They don’t keep clean-sheets either.
Or should that be:
What’s the difference between footie teams
among others, and wankers?
Wankers don’t keep clean-sheets.

B..B..Becky..

If she’d pose in person?
Sure!
Glad he asked.
Would this be okay with Pablo?
Sure, he’s extremely street-wise.
Just tell him you’re 12-ish.
Would she want to see proof the he
knocked it out over her?*
* the number of times not yet known!

Just after number 3 and thoughts about
number 4 already, Becky asked if she could
please use the toilet, for a number 1.
Fortunately he’d had number 3 already he
thought, looking at her sitting down, legs
together.

Definitely not a NewSound he thought,
as he’d heard girls dribble away b4.
Or did he actually say it, as Becky
stuck her tongue out.
Surely not?
She definitely said number 1.
Like in, only.
She wasn’t sticking her tongue out
to show the progress..?
Does she read minds, he wondered, when she
replied?
-..that would cost Xtra!
How much extra?
Double? As in number 2.. ?

As Becky has a tight body, according
to wiki.. someone commenting on her,
there would probably be not a lot
running back, which got emphasized by
her tearing 2 sheets of the roll.
Dab will do..
Well, anyway, that’s what he thought.

Oh yeah.. that’ll be 500 quid..
500?
Oh yeah.
He’d seen her pee!

This morning, which had nothing
to do with ITV, I thought I’d
have a treat.
Strictly Confidential, that was
Martina Hingis on Breakfast, I think.
Yet another girl added to the rank.
Sorry, make that TWB.
An early present for the second anniversary
of this blog.
189,463 in 2 years.
2 years with ups and downs, litterally.
Some spontaneous ups, most deliberately down.
With some rising st*rs, like Sonali,
Leah, Kari Byron..
Some evergreens, like Louise Surething, Top Lass
Kirsten, Edele L*nch..

A simple rank, early october 2007,
re-vamped to include some links..
Well, a lot of links really!
A recent change seeing the first ever
World Wanking Championship won by All
Stains..
Erm.. All Saints that would be.
Might have thought about the reaction
they might have on many a guy.
How was I to know..?
All Saints were a band, the college girls
were.. just that.
College girls.
And since this blog is celebrity orientated..
An adjustment, 11½ years later.
Of course when in school, the idea of
them college-girls winning the championship
might have been more appealling – perhaps
with the underlying thought that All Saints
would win it some other time Any Way.
Should have know really, since All Saints
have everything to do with A S-treet.
All-though when it comes to All Saints
I’d like to think of it more as All Saints-treat.
Or indeed, All Saint’s treat.
And it wouldn’t necessarily have 2 b in London
either!

Now for a cup of black coffee.
Pure!?
Shore..