Coming back to that Formula
Wan-k post sigh, yet again,
Charlotte Hawkins, Isobel Lang,
Lucy Verasamy and all them would be
team-mates, in a way.
Making a pitt-stop to have…
ahem, Sock-tires fitted…
There might even be team-orders.
Like BBC-gate, where Susannah was on
Breakfast on that Tuesday.
All them celebritease were suspiciously
wankable that Tuesday.
(When Michaela Tabb had 7 consecutive)
The BBC might think they are getting away
with it, but surely they contributed
a lot to me losing it when Victoria
Stiffwell came on!
Peeing outside is fun..
How C-through but effective!
If I ever catch her, I spread my tissues
like magicians a deck of cards!
Does she get to put it back…?

Now, as you might have noticed, it’s that
time again when the BBC encourages you
to go pop, the poppies a constant reminder.
JUST DON’T FORGET TO DON8.
Or more.
or lass

Christine has just become the first
skeleton I’ve ever gone over!
Haven’t even washed me hands yet.
Was she in Daft Punks video?
She sure is knocked it out over
around the world!
She’s a treat.
And she did the trick.
Happy Halloween.

Anne Robinson: Why is there
two capital I’s in the title?
Susie Dent: It’s actally capital
i’s.
Anne Robinson: And why’s that?
Susie: Because by stating that they
are capital already implies they
are written like that.
Sonali Gudka: Is it because
this is Question Time part II?
Me: Yes!
Some: Where is part I?
Me: wankablecelebs.wordpress.com/2009/10/24/question-time
clickanotherlink.wordpress.com/ :
Could you make that clickable?
Me: No. I don’t know how to make
a link!
clickanotherlink.wordpress.com/ :
It’s all on my site!
Me: I know it now.
Question Time part I is here
URL Geller: Why is there a 2 in the
URL after question time?
Tim B-L: Because URLs are not
cAse-senSitIve.
Helena Lundgreen: So predictable that!
Theo Rist, conspiracy Theo Rist:
Don’t you think if you put them
next 2 each other they’re like 11?
URL Geller: Yes. Hmmm… is there a 9
here as well?
Tony Blair: How old was Selena Gomez again?
Seasonoftheweirdo: 16.
Consp. Theo Rist: See! In kakuro
16 is always 9 and 7 with 2 squares.
V: She’s now 17 actually!
Me: Ah, great. In lass then a year it’ll
be legal.
V: You do it over me? I’m…
Me: You look amazing!
V: T!
URL Geller: You know, 17 is 9 and 8
if you have 2 squares in kakuro!
Rachel: Those are a nice way of killing time, kakuros!
Susie: I prefer crosswords.
All: Sigh… Sooooooooo predictable…
Christine Bleakley: Ass is the championship.
Me: Agreed. Doncaster Rovers win it.
William Hill: Outright? 19/1.
Beth Orr: I’ll take that!
Christine: No…! Your championship,
and you knew that’s the ONE I meant!
…Yeah… So predictable…
Me rubbing.. erm..: Rubbish! It is
NOT predictable.
Besides, it is YOUR championship!
Christine: See! First you say it is
not predictable, then you say it’s
my championship.
You’re probably gonna…
William Hill: …fix it?
Christine: Yes…
Me: No! I meant your championship,
as in you celebrities!
Victor Chandler: But you would have them share it?
Me: Might be possible..
IBAS: Hmmm…
Me: I’ll get punished for it by
getting less views!
William Hill: 1/19 to get a 100,000 for
the year.
Rachel: That’s about 273.9 averaged a day…
Meat Loaf: Someone called me?
Marvyn & Lee: No, we would have called
you by your first names…
Nikki Sanderson: Paradise, by the dashboard lights,
is half as nice…
Pudsey: Is that what you’re singing for
Children in Need this year?
Nikki: No…
Me: Shame!
Nikki: It’ll be wankable regardless, I’m sure…
Tina O’Brien: You can’t say that of yourself…
Nikki: It says so in the script!
Helena Lundgreen: Printed or handwritten?
Nikki: Printed Handwritten.
Rosemary Leonard: Probably easier
to read than mine I bet!
Meat Loaf: Fancy a duet with me, Nikki?
Nikki: Hmmm… Let me sleep on it?
I’ll tell you the answer in the morning.
Meat Loaf: I bet you say that to all them guys…
What song did you sing?
Fearne Cotton: Tina Turner’s Private Dancer.
Simon Cowell: She was great!
Danny: She IS great.
Chris Moyles: Whose privates were you dancing on?
(Ridiculous question really, as she’s with Danny. )
Ryan Thomas: Are you related to
Kate Sanderson?
Nikki: No.
Danny: Is Tina related to Kirsten O’Brien?
Tina: No.
Riley: Is Michaela Strachan related to
Gordon Strachan?
Kirsten: Who is the new managaffer of Middlesbrough.
William Hill: Gordon Strachan.
Kirsten: It wasn’t a question.
Susie: Inventing new words Top Lass?
Kirsten: No. I was expecting Randy to use the strike element!
Me: How many matches have Middlesb<added>o</added>rough drawn in the League?
Angus Loughran: 1,000.
Kirsten: Have you got that from
threadhopper.forumcircle.community?
Angus: No, from Statto.
Nick Name: From yourself! ?
Angus: You wouldn’t ask that had you clicked the link…
clickanotherlink.wordpress.com/: Yes, you can click ‘em as
well demonstrated on my site.
Susie: Was that a blipvert?
Me: No. I striked that part.
Rachel: Oh… I C.
Contestant: Another please, Rachel.
Rachel: N.
Contestant: Vowel.
Rachel: E.
Contestant: Consonant.
Kiki: D.
Rachel: Oi!
Contestant: Another please RACHEL.
Rachel: N.
Contestant: Another.
Rachel Stevens: LA X.
Contestant: And another…
Rachel: Q.
O I C N E D N X Q
Varney: COINNED?
Susie: Brilliant!
Me: END?
Susie: Absolutely fine!
Some: OI!

Is this The Sun or what?
The title a mix between
the three my Fave Sign
Interpreter got and
Amanda Hamilton squeezing
the lemon.
How many times she’d be
doing that a day?
This morning Susannah on
Breakfast.
But for her Sioban Robbins
might have gotten a point.

Today saw the 200th thousandth
view for this blog.
Just looking @ the stats just
before starting on this post,
it was 200,132 with 321 for the
day so far.
So, leaving the 200 out, 321 is
an anagram for 132.
Don’t know if there is such a thing
as numerical anagrams.
And if so, are there numerical
anti-grams?
As there is now blipvert, as Susie mentioned,
there is probably a word for mergers
of words.
Like from my own Ball-culator, to
opollion, a merger between opinion + poll.
Or @ threadhopper, the accu-lator, a merger
between William Hill & Victor Chandler
accumulator and calculator.
Or accumulator in short?
Although I think that’s acca.
Susie Dent’s next book?
Merger, she wrote.
Hislarious look at the history of the
merging of words that can sometimes be
quite hilarious.
Reading some predictions on a WordPress
blog about Belland, the merger of Bel-gium +
Hol-land.
Could have been Hol-gium!
Or Nether-gium.
But – Lets not go Dutch.
I do that enough as it is
Hilyrical – Hilarious lyrics.
Like in This song’s just six words long by
Weird Al Yankovic. ( George Harrison’s Got
my mind set on you)
In pun that would be -
This song is just six words long.
This will be revealed in Susie Dent’s
new book on pun: Things can only get words.

Mastur-brating the 200,000th view with
Leah Gooding.
Now, if you’d be learning it over her,
what fun ado-lessons that would be!

* The 100,000th view was on 24th november 2008.
First 100,000  = 430 days
Second 100,000 = 336 days

Now.. Did you adjust your
clocks?
Michaela Tabb: Back?
My clock’s having a bit of trouble
adjusting itself!
http://threadhopper.forumcircle.com/viewtopic.php?p=23#23
My fave sign int. got 3 today.
3 in 29 min 03 secs.
I’m writing Question Time part II.
When I was writing part I inspiration
took over.
I suddenly thought that Rachel needed a
number 1 and how she got tissues for
seven and Susie said ‘absolutely fine’.
I was just wondering, with Hayley in
that report, wether she just tore some
sheets off, or she based that on
what she usually tears off.
There is actually a poll on that on
opollion.wordpress.com
.
Or indeed on answers.polldaddy.com and
then opollion.
I think that clicking on the polldaddy/
wankycelebs link in the home-menu might
work as well, replacing wankycelebs by
opollion.
It also has a poll that asks if wanking
prevents sex-crimes.
Further it has a poll on wether a
beach ball will.. wether Liverpool
will get to a GD of 2000 first, or Man
Utd get their 2000th victoria first.
Now.. Rachel..
Liverpool need 10 on GD, before Man Utd
get 3 wins.
Mind you, if they draw it gives Liverpool
an extra match!

It’s that time again.
4 weeks from now, Children in
Need 2009.
Of course, the BIG question is -
With the credit crunch/recession,
surely the total this year will
be lower?!?
BBC: Erm… We hope not!
Me: Erm.. That wasn’t a question as such,
really – I was just wondering..
Willy W*nka: Look, this is a Banking crisis,
not a…
BBC: Yeah, thanxxx for that!
Now, wankers are pretty generous,
aren’t they? ?
Me: Absolutely not! All they spend is
change!
Tanya Beckett: Surely that’s not the change
Obama referred to! (?)
Me: Ahh..! Maybe the BBC could go selling
socks.
BBC: ?
Willy W*nka: With printed on it:
Because change happens!
BBC: Ahh! That’s what you mean by it.
Lizzie G-H: Ha – Makes a change from spunk-load,
gooey stuff, man-juice…
BBC: Yeah, that’s enough now, Lizzie.
Are you trying 2 score or something.. ?
Lizzie G-H: Say, why don’t you write my
name out in full?
Me: Would that be okay with your husb.?
Susie Dent: Husb.?
Me: Erm.. They do write boyf and girlf.. ?
Rachel Riley: I need a number 1…
Me: There’s a T and your P, but we ran out of
T-P..
(usetissp)
Rachel: I have tissues…
Susie: Absolutely fine!
Jim Davidson: Will you leave it in there,
like a bird’s nest?
Susie: I’m afraid it’s birdnest..
Jim D: Shame..!
N.E.W.S.24: Don’t you forget to adjust your
clock this weekend!?
Michaela Tabb: Back?
Patrick Moore: Yes, back…
Ella Williamson: Did you know that this
new Samsung D500 I bought yesterday, adjusts
automatically?!!
Seema Parmar: That’s because it’s programmed to
do that.
Say… Ella?
Ella : Yes…?
Seema: Are you related to the late, great
Roger Williamson?
Ella: No. I get asked that so often!
Susie: Now, let’s not go Dutch…
Amanda Hamilton: Say, I thought Rachel
said she needed only a number 1!?
Rachel ((over)heard this): I thought I’d
dripdry.
Susie: I’m afraid that’s either 2 words, or
with a hyphen.
Dripdry is the result, as in -
that’s as dry as you might expect it to be after
drip-drying.
Rachel: Oh…
Contestant Varney: Another 1 please, Rachel.
Rachel: Sorry, you forgot this is the
letters round?
Johnson: You’ve got some nice round curves,
Rachel!
Varney: Sorry! Another vowel, please.
Rachel: A.
Varney: Consonant.
Rachel: K.
Varney: Another.
Rachel: L.
Varney: Another.
Rachel: Q.
Varney: Another.
Rachel: R.
Varney: Another.
Rachel: D.
Varney: Another.
Rachel: T.
Varney: An other.
Rachel: And lastly… X!
That’s a lot of consonants you
asked 4!
Varney: Well yes, but I really need a
P!
Rachel: A P?
Caroline Barker: Automotive Parts?
Like in AP Leamington?
Varney: Yes! Can I have a brake please?
Me: Sure!
Susie: That’s break, I’m afraid.
Jimmy: KOAL?
Susie: That’s a c-word, sorry.
Jimmy: A?
Google: Did you mean: eh??
Nick G: Can I have a consonant please
Rachel, you Great Brit?
Rachel: B.
Nick G: England another.
Rachel: N.
Nick G: An other?
Rachel: Don’t tell me you want to have
a P as well!?
Nick G: Yes, please!?
Toilet Cleaner: Sorry.
Could you please use the Outhouses of Parliament?
Member of staff: How did he get in?
Security: Shall we deny him access, when he
comes back?
Inaudible: ?????????
Michaela Tabb: May I referee ALL matches at
the UKIP Championship?
Me: I know what you’re up to!
Michaela: As long as yours gets up to me… !
Susie: That’s getting up on me.
Sonali Gudka: Would you sign my copy of
your book please, Susie?
Susie: Sure!
William Hill: Anyone interested in my book?
Rachel: Maybe…
William Hill:
Varney to win Evs
Jimmy to win 1/2
Draw 100/1
Rachel: If you say, Varney has a 50%
chance, Jimmy 67% and the draw 1%,
that’s a book of 118%.
Michaela Tabb: How about my chances for the
World Wanking Championship?
William Hill: O/O
Victor Chandler: Is that 1/1?
Beth Fair: Or evens!
Lad: I’m broke, but I’d fancy her at 2/1.
European bettor: What’s that in ‘new money’?
Rachel: Just add 1.
Evens = 2.
Las Vegas Lass: What’s that in American?
Rachel: $100.
Las Vegas Lass: + or – ?
Rachel: Either.
Marco Fu: What’s that in H K odds?
Rachel: 1.
Racist: What’s that in Indo odds?
Rachel: 1.
Petr Onas: What’s that in Malaysian…?
Rachel: Sigh… 1.
Nick G: Will we please keep to fractions?
After all we’re in the UK.
Michaela Tabb: And snooker is all about
fractions anyway…
Scrooge McDuck: Erm… ahem… And how many
bets would it take in an accumulator to win a
million pounds from a penny stake?
Rachel: 26.
Scrooge McDuck: Thanks!
Jo Urnalist: Source?
Math Ematics: That’s just over half the pools!
Tim Gudgeon : …Altrincham 2 – Kettering 1,
The game between Truro City and Dover Athletic
was postponed, due to Truro’s FA Cup first round
match against Aveley – Pools Panel say away win.
Placer of Acca: AAAAARRRRGGHH!!!!!
Away win??!
How could they decide that!!?
Kirsten O’Brien: Are you playing in
the prediction-leagues as IronUpolis, Randy?
Randy: I might go playing with meself if ya go,
Top Lass.
Kirsten: Is that Pun?
Susie: I’m a frayed knot.
Kirsten: I’m staying.
Johnson: I’m standing.
Elton’s Johnson: I’m STILL standing!
Max Well: Chocolates anyone?
Kennedy: Oh yes!
Charbonnel & Walker: Yes!
Kate Thornton: Making fun of my name?
Jayne Middlemiss: You could wake me up
anytime for chocolates.
Sonali: Me too!
Randy: Sonali may wake me up anytime!
Sonali & Jayne: For what?
Randy: For no reason. Just wake me up.
Nero: Drinks anyone?
Sonali: Appletizer…
Randy: You’re an appletizer yourself!
Susie: You mean appetizer?
Me: Say, Susie.. If someone is celebrating
an anniversary, is he/she an anniversarist?
Susie: Whatever…
Status Quo: …you want?
Some: Yes, we could do with a bit of music!
Some others: Or strictly, some dancing!
Me: Erm.. So that’ll be Anniversary Waltz to
to finish with?
Status Quo: Is there a Better Way?

Not in this part of town..

The fact that God knows everything, doesn’t necessarily mean He thinks of everything, as you girls know only too well.
Why else would He come up with a bloody bad Idea like menstruation?
He must be a Womanhater!
To rub salt into the proverbial wound, He even put the word men in it!
But that’s not en-oeuf!
Not only does It make your life bloody miserable, you have to start getting It really young.
He must have thought: Hmm.. Once a month, twelve months in a year..
I’ll have them start at age 12.
Sometimes even younger, at 9-11 y.o.
He then, somehow, figured that a typical period was up to 5 days and,
hey presto, 5 times 12..
And that’s why they bug you well into your fifties.
And don’t even think about getting away from them, or indeed, go on (a) holiday.
They’ll travel with you.
All-ways.
Airways even.
Regardless if it’s their time or not.

Now, had God sent his Daughter..
If only he had one.
Or, had He had one Himself, He’d have thought of an other Way.
Come to think of it -
Since God knows everything, He’s not even considered having one of them.
And, since God knows all, surely He’d have known the English would call it a belly-button!?
And that’s how you’d have ended up pressing your belly-button, once you had made yer mind up about having a baby and your decision was – YES!!
Press the button or, as the Sugababes suggest, push the button.
But maybe this was pushing the boat out even for God
As God had more pressing matters on His Mind, He would have thought of this, had He thought of the button.. concept?
As He had more pressing matters on His Mind, He might even have created the double click*, with which you could deny anyone entry to your ’safe’.
Well.. Safe.. What would you keep in there, apart from the ocassional tampon.?
And since they’d be ‘only’ ocassional, you’d easily forget about them, for which God would punish you with toxic shock syndrome.
Maybe God was worried about the guys’ equivalent, and that they would press the button accidentily when their tinies would became large, and they’d bend forward.
Button then, surely, He would have realized that large is an anagram of lager, but foresee this author would compile a book of antigrams, hence Making lager an antigram of large.
So for their Johnsons, as He foresaw Martin Clunes call ‘em, to be large,
they’d first have to be sober.
Why guys would need a button in the first place I hear you ask?
To get lust of all this..
Come to think of it, He’d Merge the two.
He’d give the bloody thing to them.
After all, they’d say -
That was bloody well worth it!
The.. erm.. effort or something.
Wouldn’t that be great?
Randy just once a month!
Because of my parents I’m Randy ALL MY LIFE!!

Dear Bully Button God,
Only the good die young,
So surely, it’ll be Auntie Flo’’s time, before long?!
Amenstruation

”

A star was born.
On ZDF SOMETHING.
Her name is apparently Esther Schweins.
Schweins?!
Don’t we all know that jerman wörd
Schwein-ehund!?
I hope it’s nothing rude.
Couldn’t really decide if she was
blonde or ginger.
Talking of which..
On mistertease.wordpress.com there
was the quiz-tion -
Debbie Harry
A Blondie
B Brunette
C Ginger
I bet ginger was only in there
to spice things up!
To spice up this blog just a bit..
I thought of Susie Dent, obviously
not that way, and how she would
undoubtedly know the word wank.
Now, Susie Dent is not a wank kind of
lass, but more a knocking it out kind of
gal.
So, the top ten knocking one out celebs:
1 Susie Dent
2 Becky Jago (?)
3 Anne Foy
4 ELIZABETH SAARY (certainty)
5 Naga ‘Bayern’ Munchetty
6 Susannah Reid, believe it or knock.. knott
7 Carol Kirkwood
8 Nina Hossain
9 Isobel Lang
10 Liz Barker

Ten celebrities who don’t mind the
word wank so much:
1 Rachel Riley (also doesn’t mind if you say – number 3)
2 Kate Humble
3 Sonali Gudka
4 Christine Bleakley
5 Jakki Degg
6 Zoë Ball
7 Helen Skelton
8 Gemma Hunt
9 Hannah Moffatt
10 Ellie Harrison

Celebs that PREFER the word wank:
1 The late Jade Goody
2 Chanelle Hayes and Yeading
3 Fiona Bruce
4 Fearne Cotton, obviously, although she doesn’t prefer
you having one (unless you don8 to children in need (20 nov))
5 Lizzie Greenwood-Hughes (I was as shocked as you!)
6 Riz Lateef
7 Edele Lynch (although she actually prefers w*nk)
8 Rachel Stevens
9 Miranda (ONE show)
10 Liz Fraser

Kirsten ‘Top-Lass’ O’Brien prefers it if
you’d just make reference to a sock (coming
in handy (indeed they are Kirsten))

Finally, a ringtone from
http://threadhopper.forumcircle.com/viewtopic.php?p=19#19
second to none, really..

Hayley came.. or, actually
that was me*, saw and conquered.
Veni, Vidi, Vinci.
Yeah, I know, it’s Vici.

Now for todays bad joke.
Did I knock it out over a
gymnast today?
You Beth!
Especially interesting if she’d
ask that question herself!
Have you knocked it out over any of
the gymnasts?
You, Beth!
Note the comma.

They had an interview with her,
yesterday.
Fully deserved, and, contrary
to Jenson Button, she came first!
When they asked her about the worst
part of gymnastics I expected her
to say..
- The perverts knocking it out over
the gymnasts!
..But she apparently has no problem
with it.
Good on her.
She’s amazing.
I could have a brace (yes) of wanks
over her during a floor exercise, if
I wouldn’t.. ahem, dare I say it?
If I wouldn’t be admiring her so much.

In other thoughts, and Susie Dent
might know and hate this -
In the formbook, I have it down as
Lass Week.
I don’t know for certain if this would
be pun, but it makes it sound american.
Less, instead of Lass.
There must be a name for that.
Puns that make a word sound as if it
is from another language.

I was a bit.. disappointed with
Rachel.
Even I(!) got it!
25 6 3 10 4 6
Target –> 614
6 times 3 = 18
add the other 6, 4 24
24 times 25, 4 in a hundred,
so 24 / 4 = 6 * 100 = 600
then add the 10 and the 4, 4 6hundred and 4teen.
That might be the easiest solution,
and surely a genius like herself
would start with the easiest solution?
I mean, because the target ended with 14,
and the numbers 10 and 4 were there?

People who didn’t like the Beth Tweddle
line above, also thought that..
(another top 10)
1 Have you knocked ONE out over Christine Bleakley?
Yeah.. Just the ONE…
2 Fiona is soooo criminally tasty,
it makes you a-bruce your Johnson (Martin Clunes)
3 The latest addition to my Wank-Bank (account)?
Leah Good-ING.
4 I had a.. wank over Ellie Crisell and thought -
This won’t be the lass-time!
Or indeed -
5 This could be a pastime..
6 I wanked over Ellie Crisell.
I was Rolling my Bone.
7 Wanking in public over All Saints
Where?
All Stains Street of course!
8 Antigram: Neil Warnock –> Colin Wanker
9 I knocked it out over Sonali from
NewsRound.
I was trying to resist it but..
She must have an Edge over me.
10 I knocked one Out & About over Becky Jago,
which left me with a Patron Stain.
..are all rubbish

Finally to Rachel Riley’s nightmare,
where she saw nothing but numbers.
It’s called Numbers Tumbling I believe.

* Don’t know about her

Button
http://www.jmarshall.com/easy/html/f_testbed.html

---

Have I watched it?
Yes, hence the John-son
in the title.
Have I got news for you.
There was a request for ‘no
fish related puns’.
The court herring is on Monday.

It had this x-ray thingy, and how
they would see yer Johnson.
Boris.. Ulrika..
Although that might be Johnsson..
Anyway, she has a lot to do with its size!

So, Jenson Button won it.
I couldn’t resist the bit above.
Hayley unfortunately missed out,
so did Sandra Bullock.
She did a pee scene.
She did another 1 in When the
Lady smiles.. Erm..
It must have been pink, soft,
strong T-P then.
I meant of course When the Party is
over.
In Button-land, or Brawnasia it has just
about just started.
No spelling mistake that.
It has just ‘just started’.
Newly Crowneds.
In Red Bull’s case that would’ve
been
Newey Crowneds.

Yesterday, Sonali outscored
Helen Skil-tonne, team-mate?
Hayley and lastly Helen Hunt.
But taking into account the
double act of the Helen’s, it’d
be only a draw.
Or even NewsRound’s 2 for a draw against
the Helen’s.

Helen, in her Hunt for a point,
eventually got it, yesterday evening,
courtesy of Riz, Christine & Gabby missing
out, after Hayley’s report on Trafalgar
Sq., as I reported yessieday.
This morning I finally caught Leah
on NewsRound, for a nice 24-ish
treble, shared between the three
NewsRound girls.

Now.. why did Sonali mention so
explicitly there’s 3
updates tomorrow morning,
before you go to school?
Noticed the guy, crashing through
the ice?
He asked who the the presenter was,
and he thought to quickly get into
the cold water.
Now.. Why be ashamed of it?
There are other ways to help it down btw!
He did the same when Sonali was on!

In other newsround,
I’m thinking of un-discontinuing
the Knock Out Cup, but put it in
the forum, and everyONE could post
in there.
Suggestions for the Top Wanking Bird
Top 1,000 could also be posted in there,
as the options on polldaddy have gone.