Dear Randy Wankers*,

I’m sorry to disappoint you
in your attempt to have the
wank-sock^tm patented.
Hun… Thou… Willions of guys
use socks for that purpose already.

Regards,

Joanna Range.

*What was I thinking!? (ahem)

Lucy Verasamy getting a point
yesterday, likewise Sonali.
I had two dreams recently, one
of which will certainly come true.
My toe-nail coming off.
I dropped something on that toe.
The other dream was about me marrying
Sonali Gudka.
So, would I ever marry her, it would
be a dream come true.
Litterally.

The TWB Top 1,000 is now posted in the
forum, as options can be added still, there.
Target?
1,000!
I made a username, guest, with the password
top1000.
To vote one needs to be registered, and I could
imagine you’d not want to register just to vote.
I had planned it for some time but the latest
comment prompted it, really.
There’s not a thousand in it, indeed, but it’s up
to you who’s in it.

Just a thought crossing my
mind during Countdown -
3.. 2.. 1..
I C U P

Rachel not only in red but posing
as well.
All for a good cause, orangutans.
Hence the link in the home menu,
of which she is a part, the tasty
chick lass.

This morning I missed NewsRound.
As, I think Sonali mentioned -
see you wednesday, might have been
in the early editions.
I caught her on BBC NEWS a while back.

The first of 4 points today going
2 Alice Bandhukravi.
As I had seen a taster of BAMZOOKI,
I was determined to go over Gemma Hunt,
but not before Hayley got her 7th!
As Barney said he noticed a dark side
of Gemma he never noticed before.
I thought meself..
Gemma replying that -
this isn’t pet-rescue..
Forget.. erm..
Anne Roberts.. Robinson.
Gemma mentioning that it gets
your adrenaline going.
You get my adrenaline going Gemma.
And not just the adrenaline!
What a master she would be!

Then I had a quiet evening planned but,
already put in jeopardy by a very
‘interesting’ looking Christine,
Kirsten O’Brien initiated a nice
double act.
If Christine wetted my appetite,
Kirsten made me hungry!

Hayley might as well treat the NewsRound
team, as she got the 500th point for the
‘make’ NewsRound.
Just for the stats – Kirsten got the
1,000th in a double with Helen Skil-tonne.
Ellie Crisell got the 3,500th.
Just catching Lisa Gallagher.
An honourable mention doesn’t do her
justice really.
But I guess that’s the problem with there being
1,475,098,374,920,573,464,449,432,475
wankable celebrities.
Caught Louise Lear as well, as I peeked if
maybe Sonali was on BBC NEWS.
I think that might be her actually,
being on now.
So I did see her on wednesday.

Loads of hesitation going on
today about wether to go over
Susie Dent & Rachel Riley or
Helen Skelton.
After all, BPeed be repeated on
Saturday & Sunday.
Gemma Hunt decided it for me.
Nice double act and, after telling
you about my plans for January -
I’d have lost already!
Just recently I saw a bit of Gemma Hunt,
when Liz Barker left BP and how she gave
her approval.
While Rachel might have been invited to
that party, her brother (?) Wayne Riley
scoring for the Vics against Charlton,
who knows, Lee Todd might be related to
Miss Barker’s husband M Todd!?
Which inspires me to write -
It’s okay for Lily Allen’s ear-wurm to
keep playing in my head but..
FKUC ME IS THAT LOUD!!!
Which makes me wonder..
What is more offensive?
a) FCUK ME
or
b) FCUK YOU
?
OPOLLION!!!

Ellie Crisell doing a double of me writing
a post and going over her.
I started writing and left the telly on
BBC, same as yesterday.
I think that makes 106, back to third, 1 ahead
of Susann-ah-ah Reid?
I’ll find out soon enough, as I go
update now, then wash my hands.
Don’t worry, haven’t taken the sock off yet.

You/She looked great.

(and thank you!)

Oh well..
I thought I might as well
call it that, as I was gonna
make a link to that ringtone
anyway.
Or, as Helen Hunt would say -
Is that as good as it gets?
I’m a frayed so..
I’ll put oh’Clock in there as well.
It’ll probably be the post below.
It’s really not okay, according to
Lily Allen but hey, fc*k her.
It’s a variation on last time.

Ellie Crisell added a point to her tally,
as we speak I write this
post.
I’ll wash my hands later.. ?
It’s my device..
It’s a good excuse isn’t it, to
wash your hands after typing.
When you type you get Sticky Fingers.
Unintended that, but when I thought of it,
I could resist it as much as I could resist
Ellie Crisell.
(If you get sticky fingers wanking, chance socks)
You/She looked great.
Yeah, thought I’d write you, as chances of her
visiting this blog have increased by linking
to that ringtone, although after downloading it
she’ll think -
Lass time I’ve done that!
I certainly have not done that over her for
the lass time!
Unless I drop dead now.
Don’t worry, just gonna wash me hands now.

Missed the Football League
show, but I think that might
be repeated on Breakfast.
As I caught the repeat of
BP, Seema’s gadget corner
being too interesting today.
I think that was Beth Evans this
morning on FIVE, Milkshake.
She looked hot!

Just added the third of the day
over that irresistable Sign Interpreter.
When in doubt, decide it’s red.
Although it might have been orange!

I was a bit upset today, when discovering
that there was a bit missing from that
Beat it, B-J post!
I decided that I would not have M-J’s song titles
highlighted in bold.
What do you think -
Does the ‘be at it’ count as beat it?

Now.. Am I the only one to think it
a bit suspicious how long Julie Etchingham
was on screen at the end?
I should really make her a fixture.
She’s toooooooo low on the rank.
So much so, it’s an insult!

I supported the ‘beast from the east’ by the
way.
Who knows who the russian comment might be from!
Now.. If that apparently ALLWAYS
travels with ya*, and you travel to
Russia, would it travel with you, or would
it just be waiting there?

*Kari!?

I tried to write a post with
looaaadss of titles of songs
by you, your Royal Highnes,
King of Pop.
I might be a King of Pop, but
in a different way.

I titled it ‘Beat it, B-J.
Billie Jean King of Pop!

Well, just wanted to let you know that, so
I guess..
This is it!

Regards,

Randy

---

I accidentily pressed the publish
button yesterday, while writing that post,
as I found out when I was looking for
that save-draft button.

Kari Byron got another point yesterday.
Now, it is of course a myth, but she was
asking for it.
As was Julie Etchingham!
That’d be my fifth today, but I might try
if I catch her tonight and she’s wearing the
same!
Would that be a first since starting this blog?
Gemma Hunt got a brace, a pleasant surprise, BUT
STRAIGHT AFTER NEWSROUND!!!
Full of down-to-earthness.
Gemma 2 NewsRound 2.
Sonali level once again with Christine..
I might as well decide that enough is enough,
and ‘hand’ the title to Michaela in Xchange for
her not getting as many as she could have had this
year.
Unless of course, she doesn’t get to ref @ all
during the UK Championship!
Let’s hope not!
Let’s just remind World Snooker..

Dear World Snooker,

Michaela Tabb is a the great<added>est</added>
referee ever!
So, surely does she get the final @ the
UK!?

Regardsminder,

Randy (that’s my NAME!)

---

Recently I thought of two new ideas -
January 20 10.
1 Trying the girls.. women equivalent
and have just 1 wank per month.
2 Trying not to wank, for as long as I
manage.
Umprff!!
48 hours? Okay,3 days at the max..
I know I tried that before, but this time..
He makes certain there are
no wank-socks within reach…
I won’t need a wank-sock this time, as I try
to resist them celebri-teases for as long as
possible, and they have to try and make me lose
control – as per the post where I mentioned
being locked in a Big Brother style house, with
loads of celebs who try to make you lose
control.
Ever known a guy to HAVE any controle.. ?!
Anytime before noon on January 12 the celebs win,
after that..

Waiting for the ONE show,
ready to knock one out.
Or two, three..
But there was Riz.
I wanna be starting something..
Can’t wait until the ONE show,
the greatest show on earth, finally
starts!
Riz’ll be my girlfriend then, for tonight.
Gonna be starting something.
Gonna start it early..
In the privacy of my own shared flat.
Well.. sharing the facilities, like there
are the bathroom, kitchen..
But, you know that feeling that’tells you’ -
You are not alone.. ?
There was someone, standing in the dark!
A silhouetto.
A silhouetto of.. a girl?
Before I could say say say ‘beat it!’,
I realized I didn’t want her to leave me alone!
I can’t let her get away!
She’d be gone too soon, as I wouldn’t even have
her memorized!
Okay, so she caught me.
I thought she’d be in a state of shock.
Oh well, it was covered by a sock.
As to keep it warm!
But..
Human nature, she said with a smile n her face.
(By now I had recognized the girl, by her voice, as being the
girl I shared the flat with.
So, I had memorized her already, the P.Y.T.
Too young?
No, seasonofthewacko’s)
Don’t feel 2 bad about it, she re-assured me, before
enquiring -
Who is it?
Riz..
(Short pause)
Riz who?
Riz La Tease or something..
Please.. Don’t walk away!
Why? You wanna ‘trip on me’?
Yea-ah!!!
Can I..
Go on..
(short interval)
Well.. don’t you wanna be starting something?
(short interval (again))
So.. are you still gonna be starting something?
Look at her, I thought, and all that for free, Willy,
which he realized that as well and was up again in
no time.
He’ll be at it soon, she turned commentator.
Checking out another part of me..
Well yeah, since she turned sideways..
I might not get it, one more chance, so I – finally -
got on with it.
Oh man.. this was gooeyd!
I remember the time when I first tried this -
Learned it, so to speak.
It was somewhere in my childhood and I thought -
THIS IS IT!
Now.. would I normally shout out the girls name?
Scream?
Ah.. Whisper.
We’re almost there, she got back to commentating..
Hang on.
I was nearly there!
I‘ll be there.. soon..
Yes.. you are there, she corrected herself.
How did she know that I w-ah-ah-as there?
She could see my face but..
Not another part of me that would be far more
telling.
Hence the sock.
So the.. stuff wouldn’t get on the floor!
You were there, she sounded happy but..
Need some morphine? she quipped.
Aha! That’s how she knew.
I can’t help it, but I seem to think of ‘the lost
children’ every time I knock it out.
You feel bad now?
Nnn..
Was it good?
Not bad.. Heck was it good!
I would have another one of those!
Don’t stop till you get enough! the TWB turned
commentator turned interviewer encouraged me.
It was good… How was I..?
You were amazing!
Could you have another.. ?
I didn’t have to answer that vocally, as
it was up again, just like that and man..
Did I like that!
I want you back as a commentator, I requested.
And he’s at it again..
Her timing.. Turning sideways..
Perfec t.
She must have either posed for someone before
or she’s read the ABC of wanking.
She liked reading she replied, but had’t read
the ABC of knockers out.
She had posed for someone though.
Some stranger in Moscow.
How gooey… oops! gooding was it this
time around?
Even worse better!
Would she go out with me tonight?
She’d change..
Nah. You look amazing in those ‘Billie’ jeans.
I’ll get some money.
We go dutch?
No. It’d be all on me.
You treat me, I’ll treat you.
She’d go to the bathroom, before we’d set off
to the cinema.
There was a Jakki Degg calendar in the
bathroom and I asked if she was offended by
it?
Erm.. I took it off the wall.
Since I’ll be posing for you anytime you want me too,
you want me to..

@ the cinema -
SHOWING TONIGHT:
BLOOD ON THE DANCE FLOOR!

             9.30pm

In short.. or perhaps, in a short skirt,
it turns out to be about Dirty Diana, who’d
go commando on all-days.

Everyone in the cinema looks away, including me.
Looking at my date, who looks so hot, I fancy
another one!
And since it is a thriller and they all look away..
She looks at me, reminding me -
You are not alone!
Tomorrow’s another day.
I’ll be there, she promisses.
I had my RDA for today anyway.

Here I am, she makes her presence known.
WOW!
She looked sooo hot in her pyjamas
underwear.
Needlass to say.. it was up again.
(The) Man @ work, Down Under, she commentated.
Say.. this is supposed to have Em Jay’s
song titles in it, only.
Yesterday, when she came in, she could hear a
melodie playing..
Was I always at it when music was playing?
Yeahh.. Me and music, eh?
I didn’t hear her come in indeed.
Hmmm.. Blame it on the boogie?
Music was my first love..
But that’s a thing of the past!
A past in which I had quiet a number of wanks?
Including the, by now, hattrick over her..
1,979?
Yeah.. that’s a lot of girls I liked,
might even have lusted for but..
Surely after the hatrick all the lust for her
had gone?
I found myself to like her very much.
In fact, when I saw her recently, I couldn’t
help but thinking..

       YOU’RE THE ONE