Missed the Football League
show, but I think that might
be repeated on Breakfast.
As I caught the repeat of
BP, Seema’s gadget corner
being too interesting today.
I think that was Beth Evans this
morning on FIVE, Milkshake.
She looked hot!

Just added the third of the day
over that irresistable Sign Interpreter.
When in doubt, decide it’s red.
Although it might have been orange!

I was a bit upset today, when discovering
that there was a bit missing from that
Beat it, B-J post!
I decided that I would not have M-J’s song titles
highlighted in bold.
What do you think -
Does the ‘be at it’ count as beat it?

Now.. Am I the only one to think it
a bit suspicious how long Julie Etchingham
was on screen at the end?
I should really make her a fixture.
She’s toooooooo low on the rank.
So much so, it’s an insult!

I supported the ‘beast from the east’ by the
way.
Who knows who the russian comment might be from!
Now.. If that apparently ALLWAYS
travels with ya*, and you travel to
Russia, would it travel with you, or would
it just be waiting there?

*Kari!?

I tried to write a post with
looaaadss of titles of songs
by you, your Royal Highnes,
King of Pop.
I might be a King of Pop, but
in a different way.

I titled it ‘Beat it, B-J.
Billie Jean King of Pop!

Well, just wanted to let you know that, so
I guess..
This is it!

Regards,

Randy

I accidentily pressed the publish
button yesterday, while writing that post,
as I found out when I was looking for
that save-draft button.

Kari Byron got another point yesterday.
Now, it is of course a myth, but she was
asking for it.
As was Julie Etchingham!
That’d be my fifth today, but I might try
if I catch her tonight and she’s wearing the
same!
Would that be a first since starting this blog?
Gemma Hunt got a brace, a pleasant surprise, BUT
STRAIGHT AFTER NEWSROUND!!!
Full of down-to-earthness.
Gemma 2 NewsRound 2.
Sonali level once again with Christine..
I might as well decide that enough is enough,
and ‘hand’ the title to Michaela in Xchange for
her not getting as many as she could have had this
year.
Unless of course, she doesn’t get to ref @ all
during the UK Championship!
Let’s hope not!
Let’s just remind World Snooker..

Dear World Snooker,

Michaela Tabb is a the great<added>est</added>
referee ever!
So, surely does she get the final @ the
UK!?

Regardsminder,

Randy (that’s my NAME!)

Recently I thought of two new ideas -
January 20 10.
1 Trying the girls.. women equivalent
and have just 1 wank per month.
2 Trying not to wank, for as long as I
manage.
Umprff!!
48 hours? Okay,3 days at the max..
I know I tried that before, but this time..
He makes certain there are
no wank-socks within reach…
I won’t need a wank-sock this time, as I try
to resist them celebri-teases for as long as
possible, and they have to try and make me lose
control – as per the post where I mentioned
being locked in a Big Brother style house, with
loads of celebs who try to make you lose
control.
Ever known a guy to HAVE any controle.. ?!
Anytime before noon on January 12 the celebs win,
after that..

Waiting for the ONE show,
ready to knock one out.
Or two, three..
But there was Riz.
I wanna be starting something..
Can’t wait until the ONE show,
the greatest show on earth, finally
starts!
Riz’ll be my girlfriend then, for tonight.
Gonna be starting something.
Gonna start it early..
In the privacy of my own shared flat.
Well.. sharing the facilities, like there
are the bathroom, kitchen..
But, you know that feeling that’tells you’ -
You are not alone.. ?
There was someone, standing in the dark!
A silhouetto.
A silhouetto of.. a girl?
Before I could say say say ‘beat it!’,
I realized I didn’t want her to leave me alone!
I can’t let her get away!
She’d be gone too soon, as I wouldn’t even have
her memorized!
Okay, so she caught me.
I thought she’d be in a state of shock.
Oh well, it was covered by a sock.
As to keep it warm!
But..
Human nature, she said with a smile n her face.
(By now I had recognized the girl, by her voice, as being the
girl I shared the flat with.
So, I had memorized her already, the P.Y.T.
Too young?
No, seasonofthewacko’s)
Don’t feel 2 bad about it, she re-assured me, before
enquiring -
Who is it?
Riz..
(Short pause)
Riz who?
Riz La Tease or something..
Please.. Don’t walk away!
Why? You wanna ‘trip on me’?
Yea-ah!!!
Can I..
Go on..
(short interval)
Well.. don’t you wanna be starting something?
(short interval (again))
So.. are you still gonna be starting something?
Look at her, I thought, and all that for free, Willy,
which he realized that as well and was up again in
no time.
He’ll be at it soon, she turned commentator.
Checking out another part of me..
Well yeah, since she turned sideways..
I might not get it, one more chance, so I – finally -
got on with it.
Oh man.. this was gooeyd!
I remember the time when I first tried this -
Learned it, so to speak.
It was somewhere in my childhood and I thought -
THIS IS IT!
Now.. would I normally shout out the girls name?
Scream?
Ah.. Whisper.
We’re almost there, she got back to commentating..
Hang on.
I was nearly there!
I‘ll be there.. soon..
Yes.. you are there, she corrected herself.
How did she know that I w-ah-ah-as there?
She could see my face but..
Not another part of me that would be far more
telling.
Hence the sock.
So the.. stuff wouldn’t get on the floor!
You were there, she sounded happy but..
Need some morphine? she quipped.
Aha! That’s how she knew.
I can’t help it, but I seem to think of ‘the lost
children’ every time I knock it out.
You feel bad now?
Nnn..
Was it good?
Not bad.. Heck was it good!
I would have another one of those!
Don’t stop till you get enough! the TWB turned
commentator turned interviewer encouraged me.
It was good… How was I..?
You were amazing!
Could you have another.. ?
I didn’t have to answer that vocally, as
it was up again, just like that and man..
Did I like that!
I want you back as a commentator, I requested.
And he’s at it again..
Her timing.. Turning sideways..
Perfec t.
She must have either posed for someone before
or she’s read the ABC of wanking.
She liked reading she replied, but had’t read
the ABC of knockers out.
She had posed for someone though.
Some stranger in Moscow.
How gooey… oops! gooding was it this
time around?
Even worse better!
Would she go out with me tonight?
She’d change..
Nah. You look amazing in those ‘Billie’ jeans.
I’ll get some money.
We go dutch?
No. It’d be all on me.
You treat me, I’ll treat you.
She’d go to the bathroom, before we’d set off
to the cinema.
There was a Jakki Degg calendar in the
bathroom and I asked if she was offended by
it?
Erm.. I took it off the wall.
Since I’ll be posing for you anytime you want me too,
you want me to..

@ the cinema -
SHOWING TONIGHT:
BLOOD ON THE DANCE FLOOR!

             9.30pm

In short.. or perhaps, in a short skirt,
it turns out to be about Dirty Diana, who’d
go commando on all-days.

Everyone in the cinema looks away, including me.
Looking at my date, who looks so hot, I fancy
another one!
And since it is a thriller and they all look away..
She looks at me, reminding me -
You are not alone!
Tomorrow’s another day.
I’ll be there, she promisses.
I had my RDA for today anyway.

Here I am, she makes her presence known.
WOW!
She looked sooo hot in her pyjamas
underwear.
Needlass to say.. it was up again.
(The) Man @ work, Down Under, she commentated.
Say.. this is supposed to have Em Jay’s
song titles in it, only.
Yesterday, when she came in, she could hear a
melodie playing..
Was I always at it when music was playing?
Yeahh.. Me and music, eh?
I didn’t hear her come in indeed.
Hmmm.. Blame it on the boogie?
Music was my first love..
But that’s a thing of the past!
A past in which I had quiet a number of wanks?
Including the, by now, hattrick over her..
1,979?
Yeah.. that’s a lot of girls I liked,
might even have lusted for but..
Surely after the hatrick all the lust for her
had gone?
I found myself to like her very much.
In fact, when I saw her recently, I couldn’t
help but thinking..

       YOU’RE THE ONE

You know the saying -
He complimented her on her
good looks.
Yeah.. complimented Hayley
twice today.
Unfortunately, that’s not a
spel ling mistake.
It IS sooo predictable though…
It could’ve been thrice.
Don’t know what Hayley would be
more pleased with.
She totals FIVE now, but I updated
both separately.
Louise Lear just missed out, as she
mentioned prime, which was mentioned
at the end of my post yesterday.
You are not alone in missing out Louise,
as your colleague Isobel did as well.
Now.. Yes, you’ve guessed it, going back to
the Formula Wan-k..
Now, they would probable have a manager too, right!?
If I were Michaela Tabb’s manager I’d be relaxed,
laid back..
I’d tell her that as long as Sonali & Christine
would score, she’d been shared champion.
I’d be honest and say that it’s her best chance,
like – ever!
She probable needs a couple, but it would
probably not be fair to Sonali & Christine
to pass them, as the double act could have had
a bigger lead perhaps.
It is a chance however, and she better makes
the best of it.
Just clean the pink a couple of times.
Remind us of your ‘back’.

Christine’s turn to sting
Don’t stand so close to me..
Which gives me a nice opportunity
to talk bees, stings..
A celebrity, or any other wankable
lass, who would be getting a guy to
knock it out over herself, would take
the sting out of it/him, just as the
sthing with the
bee-sting.
We are calling this the B-Sting from
now! on, OK!?
As in, I b-stinged the guy.
I know this, since he felt bad, guilty,
his eyes weren’t staring at me with
that memorizing look and he didn’t talk
dirty any more.
I might have even prevented from some
sex-crime, mind!
Just the thought of Annie Lennox-Lewis
turns me off.
Ka-ka ka-ka ka-ka Krime..
Pi-pi pi-pi pi-pi erm… Prime?

Dear Pi-Pi-C.
My top 10 to pi-pi on me..
Ahem..

Other thoughts on Christine -
She got me Wrapped around her finger.
I bet she knows that ‘Russians’ expression too!
W*nking on the Moon.
W*nking over her full Moon.
The loo-loo-loo, the ka-ka-ka…
Massaging her bottom wow yeah..
Every little thing she gets up – Magic!
Every breast you take..
Queen of Pa.. AUTSJ!!!!!

Now.. not many of you know this but..
Christine needs a police-escort in and out
of TV Center as she is.. the center of
attention..
Talking police escort..
That was ONE heck of an hour! (1 x £280.00)

Yesterday morning, catching
up, finally going over Cheryl
Tweedy.
I think it was Hello!
She looked more than OK!
anyway.
Why aren’t there magazines
with a ? in it?
As in Fancyaw*nk?
WFH – Wankable For Him.
Does Saturday Come?

Lizzie kicked the month of,
scoring her tenth of the season.
Amanda Hamilton & Seema Parmar
got one each and I updated the ranks.
206 views already for the day!
It was way ahead of where it was
on record breaking 3 & 4 May.
While on the numbers:
The lowest of the week was 305.
It might total just over 2,500.
Also checked today – Last day under 200
was September 10 (ten).
I was out most of yessieday, hence
missing out on (all editions of) NewsRound.
Thankx 2 my Mobile Digital Assistent I
could keep up with the scores.
Man United beating Blackburn by 2 goals
to nil, needing just 2 to make it 2,000 wins.
Take note Zoë Ball!

October 2009
Michaela Tabb 13
Christine Bleakley 5
Hazel Irvine 4
Rachel Riley 4
Susie Dent 4
Sonali Gudka 4
Ronni Ancona 3
Hayley NR 3
Helen Skelton 3
Lizzie Greenwood-H 3
Fave Sign Int 3
Leah Gooding 3
Anita Rani 2
Zain Verjee 1
Emma Crosby 1
Victoria Stillwell 1
Riz Lateef 1
Kirsten O’Brien 1
Lucy Verasamy 1
Jacqui Oatley 1
Ellie Crisell 1
Julie Etchingham 1
Helen Hunt 1
Kari Byron 1
Pui Fan Lee 1
Esther Schweins 1
Isobel Lang 1
Aleesh 1
Susannah Reid 1
Amanda Houston 1
Gillian Joseph 1
Kate McIntyre 1

Coming back to that Formula
Wan-k post sigh, yet again,
Charlotte Hawkins, Isobel Lang,
Lucy Verasamy and all them would be
team-mates, in a way.
Making a pitt-stop to have…
ahem, Sock-tires fitted…
There might even be team-orders.
Like BBC-gate, where Susannah was on
Breakfast on that Tuesday.
All them celebritease were suspiciously
wankable that Tuesday.
(When Michaela Tabb had 7 consecutive)
The BBC might think they are getting away
with it, but surely they contributed
a lot to me losing it when Victoria
Stiffwell came on!
Peeing outside is fun..
How C-through but effective!
If I ever catch her, I spread my tissues
like magicians a deck of cards!
Does she get to put it back…?

Now, as you might have noticed, it’s that
time again when the BBC encourages you
to go pop, the poppies a constant reminder.
JUST DON’T FORGET TO DON8.
Or more.
or lass

Christine has just become the first
skeleton I’ve ever gone over!
Haven’t even washed me hands yet.
Was she in Daft Punks video?
She sure is knocked it out over
around the world!
She’s a treat.
And she did the trick.
Happy Halloween.

Anne Robinson: Why is there
two capital I’s in the title?
Susie Dent: It’s actally capital
i’s.
Anne Robinson: And why’s that?
Susie: Because by stating that they
are capital already implies they
are written like that.
Sonali Gudka: Is it because
this is Question Time part II?
Me: Yes!
Some: Where is part I?
Me: wankablecelebs.wordpress.com/2009/10/24/question-time
clickanotherlink.wordpress.com/ :
Could you make that clickable?
Me: No. I don’t know how to make
a link!
clickanotherlink.wordpress.com/ :
It’s all on my site!
Me: I know it now.
Question Time part I is here
URL Geller: Why is there a 2 in the
URL after question time?
Tim B-L: Because URLs are not
cAse-senSitIve.
Helena Lundgreen: So predictable that!
Theo Rist, conspiracy Theo Rist:
Don’t you think if you put them
next 2 each other they’re like 11?
URL Geller: Yes. Hmmm… is there a 9
here as well?
Tony Blair: How old was Selena Gomez again?
Seasonoftheweirdo: 16.
Consp. Theo Rist: See! In kakuro
16 is always 9 and 7 with 2 squares.
V: She’s now 17 actually!
Me: Ah, great. In lass then a year it’ll
be legal.
V: You do it over me? I’m…
Me: You look amazing!
V: T!
URL Geller: You know, 17 is 9 and 8
if you have 2 squares in kakuro!
Rachel: Those are a nice way of killing time, kakuros!
Susie: I prefer crosswords.
All: Sigh… Sooooooooo predictable…
Christine Bleakley: Ass is the championship.
Me: Agreed. Doncaster Rovers win it.
William Hill: Outright? 19/1.
Beth Orr: I’ll take that!
Christine: No…! Your championship,
and you knew that’s the ONE I meant!
…Yeah… So predictable…
Me rubbing.. erm..: Rubbish! It is
NOT predictable.
Besides, it is YOUR championship!
Christine: See! First you say it is
not predictable, then you say it’s
my championship.
You’re probably gonna…
William Hill: …fix it?
Christine: Yes…
Me: No! I meant your championship,
as in you celebrities!
Victor Chandler: But you would have them share it?
Me: Might be possible..
IBAS: Hmmm…
Me: I’ll get punished for it by
getting less views!
William Hill: 1/19 to get a 100,000 for
the year.
Rachel: That’s about 273.9 averaged a day…
Meat Loaf: Someone called me?
Marvyn & Lee: No, we would have called
you by your first names…
Nikki Sanderson: Paradise, by the dashboard lights,
is half as nice…
Pudsey: Is that what you’re singing for
Children in Need this year?
Nikki: No…
Me: Shame!
Nikki: It’ll be wankable regardless, I’m sure…
Tina O’Brien: You can’t say that of yourself…
Nikki: It says so in the script!
Helena Lundgreen: Printed or handwritten?
Nikki: Printed Handwritten.
Rosemary Leonard: Probably easier
to read than mine I bet!
Meat Loaf: Fancy a duet with me, Nikki?
Nikki: Hmmm… Let me sleep on it?
I’ll tell you the answer in the morning.
Meat Loaf: I bet you say that to all them guys…
What song did you sing?
Fearne Cotton: Tina Turner’s Private Dancer.
Simon Cowell: She was great!
Danny: She IS great.
Chris Moyles: Whose privates were you dancing on?
(Ridiculous question really, as she’s with Danny. )
Ryan Thomas: Are you related to
Kate Sanderson?
Nikki: No.
Danny: Is Tina related to Kirsten O’Brien?
Tina: No.
Riley: Is Michaela Strachan related to
Gordon Strachan?
Kirsten: Who is the new managaffer of Middlesbrough.
William Hill: Gordon Strachan.
Kirsten: It wasn’t a question.
Susie: Inventing new words Top Lass?
Kirsten: No. I was expecting Randy to use the strike element!
Me: How many matches have Middlesb<added>o</added>rough drawn in the League?
Angus Loughran: 1,000.
Kirsten: Have you got that from
threadhopper.forumcircle.community?
Angus: No, from Statto.
Nick Name: From yourself! ?
Angus: You wouldn’t ask that had you clicked the link…
clickanotherlink.wordpress.com/: Yes, you can click ‘em as
well demonstrated on my site.
Susie: Was that a blipvert?
Me: No. I striked that part.
Rachel: Oh… I C.
Contestant: Another please, Rachel.
Rachel: N.
Contestant: Vowel.
Rachel: E.
Contestant: Consonant.
Kiki: D.
Rachel: Oi!
Contestant: Another please RACHEL.
Rachel: N.
Contestant: Another.
Rachel Stevens: LA X.
Contestant: And another…
Rachel: Q.
O I C N E D N X Q
Varney: COINNED?
Susie: Brilliant!
Me: END?
Susie: Absolutely fine!
Some: OI!

Is this The Sun or what?
The title a mix between
the three my Fave Sign
Interpreter got and
Amanda Hamilton squeezing
the lemon.
How many times she’d be
doing that a day?
This morning Susannah on
Breakfast.
But for her Sioban Robbins
might have gotten a point.

Today saw the 200th thousandth
view for this blog.
Just looking @ the stats just
before starting on this post,
it was 200,132 with 321 for the
day so far.
So, leaving the 200 out, 321 is
an anagram for 132.
Don’t know if there is such a thing
as numerical anagrams.
And if so, are there numerical
anti-grams?
As there is now blipvert, as Susie mentioned,
there is probably a word for mergers
of words.
Like from my own Ball-culator, to
opollion, a merger between opinion + poll.
Or @ threadhopper, the accu-lator, a merger
between William Hill & Victor Chandler
accumulator and calculator.
Or accumulator in short?
Although I think that’s acca.
Susie Dent’s next book?
Merger, she wrote.
Hislarious look at the history of the
merging of words that can sometimes be
quite hilarious.
Reading some predictions on a WordPress
blog about Belland, the merger of Bel-gium +
Hol-land.
Could have been Hol-gium!
Or Nether-gium.
But – Lets not go Dutch.
I do that enough as it is
Hilyrical – Hilarious lyrics.
Like in This song’s just six words long by
Weird Al Yankovic. ( George Harrison’s Got
my mind set on you)
In pun that would be -
This song is just six words long.
This will be revealed in Susie Dent’s
new book on pun: Things can only get words.

Mastur-brating the 200,000th view with
Leah Gooding.
Now, if you’d be learning it over her,
what fun ado-lessons that would be!

* The 100,000th view was on 24th november 2008.
First 100,000  = 430 days
Second 100,000 = 336 days